


lying by omission

by NevermindBye



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Blowjobs, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Pool Sex, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, blowjobs in crampy bathrooms, sugar daddy fic, they're both consenting adults tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 01:44:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6591511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevermindBye/pseuds/NevermindBye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa never would've guessed that his pretty face would lead him to bag a sugar daddy. Not that he's complaining.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://nevermind-bye.tumblr.com/) I'll say hi back!  
> A little DISCLAIMER: In this first chapter Oikawa and Ushijima are very reckless and have unprotected sex (BJ without condom). That's how STDs can be transmitted. Don't be like Oikawa and Ushijima. Make sure your partner(s) are clean before you have unprotected sex. This is fiction and there are no STDs in fiction but in reality there are! Be safe not sorry!

Fridays and Saturdays are the busiest days for any restaurant. The smile on Oikawa's lips is strained and his feet hurt like a bitch. But it's easy money in comparison. Oikawa's pretty face has been helpful a bunch of times throughout his life. Like in things concerning dating or college or in finding a job.

  
College is expensive. It's not uncommon for students to live in poverty, living off of instant noodles and tab water. And Oikawa had no choice but to go look for a job, preferably with a good pay. He thought modeling would be a nice part-time job, but he is still very unknown and even though he considers himself the prettiest person on campus, there are still lots of pretty people all around the world. From time to time he has some shoots but never anything he could pay all his bills with.

  
"Good evening, my name is Oikawa and I will be your waiter tonight, have you decided yet?"

  
Oikawa doesn't know how often he has said that sentence in the last couple of months. He's serving a couple, clearly not on their first date. It's easy to figure out how long a couple has been together for from the way they give their orders. Waiters are dating experts. Nobody else is involved in so many dates. People order separately in the first stages of their relationship or after they've been together for years. Older Couples usually don't talk as much as fresh couples and leave again relatively fast. The couple Oikawa is serving now is probably on their first date.

  
Oikawa can't remember the last time he was on a first date. He's all for casual sex and not exchanging any contact information, though. Fuck and leave. Those dating apps are perfect for that. It's not ideal but relieving nevertheless.

  
Still, it's almost everyday business by now that Oikawa has to shoot down a guest's advances. Mostly it's women in their late forties or fifties trying their luck with him, offering him money or presents. But it's against the rules and in all honesty - Oikawa really isn't interested in that kind of thing.

  
"Le Château" is one of those fancy restaurants that only hire pretty people. And there are rules the waiters have to follow. When Oikawa applied some months ago, the manager did not ask him for his experiences or his abilities. The tall, skinny lady asked him for his skin care routine, his favorite cologne. The interview was over fairly quickly and Oikawa had a job. At the same time he felt like he had just sold his soul.

  
A small price to pay so he can pay his bills.

  
Their customers usually carry a fat wallet and don't blink twice when they receive their receipt with a sometimes four-digit number on it. Some wealthy ladies, unhappy wives or even businessmen on trips think they can buy anything with their money, special attention from their waiters included. All of the employees know they can't accept those offers, no matter from whom they may come. Le Château has three rules for their waiters:

1\. No dating among staff.  
2\. No dating with regulars.  
3\. Some guests will make you offers. You will always decline.

  
If you break one of these rules, you will be fired. No exceptions. And it has happened.

When Suga's little affair with one of their cooks was discovered by their manager, they were both fired immediately. Suga and Oikawa still text sometimes and Oikawa knows that Suga and his cook are now employed in different restaurants and also happily engaged. Oikawa can't say he's jealous, but he's a little jealous.

  
"Enjoy your meal," Oikawa says with yet another bright smile.

  
He hates this job but the pay is good. He hates this job but he needs it. The apron is kind of cute, Oikawa admits. But the all-black-clothing policy is really annoying. He isn't even allowed to pimp his dull outfit with a pair of nice shoes or a scarf. But the pay. The pay is good and so are the tips.

  
Oikawa is busy working a table of four when he feels a pair of eyes on him. After working here for quite some time, he is used to being ogled. _Shady businessman, wealthy old woman or new money, what's it gonna be today_ , is all Oikawa thinks. He usually ignores them. He writes down the orders of his table and turns around to search for the two eyes staring at him.

  
He's sitting at a table in the corner. All broad shoulders, tan skin and nice big hands. He's wearing a suit and looks like he never wears anything else. Either black wool blended with cashmere or nothing at all. He's attractive, no doubt. Maturely so.

  
Oikawa knows what to do to get good tips. The man and his companion are sitting at one of the tables he has to tend. _Good_. He gives the man a small, self-assured smile. The man doesn't return it, he just keeps looking. Weird. Most people look away when Oikawa returns their stare.

  
He walks to the man's table, making sure to work his hips a little. Only so much it still looks natural.

  
"Good evening, welcome at Le Château. My name is Oikawa, I am your waiter for tonight. May I take your order?" Oikawa puts on his sweetest smile.

The woman's ears turn a little red. The man raises his eyebrows slightly, whether in surprise or acknowledgement, Oikawa doesn't know.

  
"Oh, I'm sorry, we haven't decided yet. To be honest, we're both not very familiar with French food, I think, or are you, Ushijima-san?" The lady smiles at the man - Ushijima - and hands him the menu.

  
"No," he simply says. _Rude_ , Oikawa thinks.

While Ushijima looks at the wine card Oikawa lets his eyes wander over the man's broad shoulders. An athlete, no doubt. Or just following a strict work-out regimen, maybe. He has nice hands; strong with short, thick fingers. They promise sturdy forearms. Oikawa licks his lips. Ushijima notices.

  
"We'd like menu number three," he says, holding eye-contact.

  
"Anything for you, sir," Oikawa says in a low voice.

  
"For wine a young Merlot, thank you." His voice is deep, sure, calm. His eyes rest on the delicate skin of Oikawa's throat.

  
"Great taste, sir," Oikawa says with hooded eyes.  
  
  
The atmosphere has changed, even the lady opposite of Ushijima seems to have noticed. With wide eyes she looks from her date to her waiter.

  
Oikawa clicks his tongue and with a small bow leaves the table. He feels Ushijima's gaze on his ass. He puts his small notepad into his pants pocket slower than usual.

 

* * *

 

 

Back at his shitty dorm, Oikawa plops down on his slim twin bed. The mattress squeaks noisily and he groans into his pillow.

  
"Rough night?" Akaashi asks from across the room.

They have separate rooms but they often seek company and study in the other's room. Neither of them really likes to be alone.

  
Akaashi is the perfect flatmate. He's tidy and quiet and never forgets when he's on cleaning duty. He lets Oikawa talk as much as he likes and knows when to just leave him alone. Also, he is almost as pretty as Oikawa himself. Depending on whom you ask, they might tell you he's even prettier.

  
"Not really. The opposite, even," Oikawa mutters into his pillow.

Tonight, he's gonna jack of in the shower again. Maybe he will imagine those austere hazel eyes while doing so or those meaty fingers inside of him, he hasn't decided yet.

  
"Shoot," Akaashi says without looking up from his desk. He often works long into the night on essays and papers so he can call his boyfriend when he thinks Oikawa is asleep.

  
"There was this guest," Oikawa begins, "and he was so fucking hot. And he was pretty much eye-fucking me the entire time, too. Oh, and he left the biggest tip I've ever got."

  
"So? You gave him your number?"

  
"No! I can't!" Oikawa buries his face in his pillow again, kicking the blanket away like a child having a tantrum.

  
"And why not?" Akaashi asks in a calm voice. He doesn't have to stop typing to have a flowing conversation. Oikawa more than once asked him while drunk if he secretly was an alien. Or at least a cyborg.

  
"Because of the rules! We're not allowed to leave our number. If the manager notices me leaving my number I'll get fired! And I really need the money."

  
"Yes, you do. You didn't pay me rent, yet, by the way," Akaashi says and finally stops typing. He stands up and joins Oikawa on his unmade bed.

  
"Fuck, sorry, Kei-chan, you know you'll get it eventually," Oikawa presses his face into Akaashi's lap.

What Oikawa likes best about Akaashi is that he has a very warm and soothing side to him. He knows when Oikawa needs comfort. Maybe that's the outcome of spending so much time with Bokuto whose mood swings were well-known among their group of friends. Still, Akaashi has more than once assured Oikawa that Bokuto was very different when they're alone. Oikawa believes him, otherwise he couldn't think of a reason for Akaashi to still be with Bokuto after all these years.

  
"I know, don't worry," he says and starts massaging Oikawa's scalp with his slim fingers.

  
"Thank you, Kei-chan."

  
"So, about that guest. What did he look like?"

 

* * *

 

 

A week later Ushijima is back. This time, he's alone. Oikawa realizes that that is a statement on its on. The audacity of it makes him chuckle but nevertheless he feels. _Flattered_.

  
If he had to guess, Oikawa would say Ushijima is at least ten years older than him. His walk is confident as one of the other waiters leads him to his table. When he sits down, the material of his pants stretches over his muscular thighs and Oikawa's throat goes a little dry. Ushijima doesn't have the attitude of someone growing up with money, isn't flamboyant with it, doesn't brag. Maybe he had to work for it, work hard even. That's definitely attractive, Oikawa thinks.

  
This evening, however, Oikawa is not his waiter.

  
They both seem to dislike this. Oikawa goes out of his way to walk by Ushijima's table, deliberately ignoring him, while Ushijima's eyes never really leave him. If Oikawa weren't interested in having his (possibly) thick cock up his ass it would probably be creepy.

  
Ushijima eats his three course meal, finishes his wine but stays. And stays. Oikawa starts to think that he intends to wait till Oikawa's shift is over. Oikawa really hopes that that is not the case, because after closing at midnight, he still has to help clean everything up.

  
Somehow Oikawa suspects Ushijima to know that. He can't quite figure out, though, what the man is waiting for. Until he does.

  
It's a quiet Thursday late in the evening, the guests are mostly leaving, Ushijima orders another glass of wine.

  
"Tobio-chan, I'm getting this one," Oikawa says and takes the salver from the newest staff member. Somehow he dislikes the sullen looking boy. Way too serious, way too boring.

  
"O-okay," Kageyama stutters.

  
Oikawa approaches the table with determined steps. Ushijima's back is facing him and Oikawa can't help but admire the nice V-shape of his torso.

  
He clears his throat, Ushijima turns his head and Oikawa tips the salver a little so that the bottle of wine falls directly into Ushijima's lap.

  
"Oops," Oikawa mock-whispers and then louder, "Oh no, I'm so sorry, sir!"

  
Ushijima looks a little overwhelmed but altogether like he has expected something more or less like this to happen.

  
"I am very sorry," Oikawa says, "would you like me to help you fix this in the staff bathroom?"

  
Ushijima looks up to him and raises one of his eyebrows. Oikawa looks right back and then offers the man his hand. Ushijima takes it and stands up from his seat. His hand feels big and warm in Oikawa's, a little calloused, though. Both of them standing, Oikawa notices how tall Ushijima really is. He himself is quite tall already, so Ushijima had to be at least 6"3'.

  
Oikawa lets go of his hand and instead leads him to the back rooms, where the staff bathroom is located. Ushijima follows him without a word.

  
When they enter the small bathroom, Ushijima locks the door behind them. The lock clicking shut resonates from the tiles and gives a feeling of finality. It's not scary though, it's somehow weirdly hot. Oikawa feels like part of a porn movie and he fully intends to enjoy every second of it.

  
"And how exactly do you intend to fix this?" Ushijima asks calmly.

  
"It can't be helped, we have to take it off," Oikawa smirks.

He takes a couple of sure steps towards Ushijima and pushes him against the wall by his shoulders. Ushijima lets it happen, not touching Oikawa whatsoever. Their faces are so close Oikawa would only need to stand on his tip toes to kiss him. Being this close he can smell Ushijima's cologne. It's a subtle, manly scent. Oikawa slightly nuzzles Ushijima's neck with his nose, his eyes focusing on Ushijima's pulse point.

  
"Would you be okay with that, _sir_?", he says, his lips brushing Ushijima's skin. Ushijima's hand hovers over Oikawa's waist.

  
"Absolutely," Ushijima murmurs. He lowers his hand so it almost touches Oikawa's hip. It's the phantom of a touch, causing Oikawa to part his lips, letting a small sigh escape in anticipation. He looks up to find Ushijima looking down at him. Oikawa thinks of those lips on his own but instead drops to his knees in a smooth motion.

  
He's face to face with Ushijima's wet crotch. It's a shame those fine pants had to be ruined, but well, sometimes one has to make sacrifices to achieve the greater good.

  
Oikawa lets his hands glide from Ushijima's knees over his firm thighs upwards to his belt. It's made of black, smooth leather and Oikawa appreciates the feel of it underneath his fingertips. He slowly undoes the belt buckle all while looking at Ushijima who's watching him back attentively. Oikawa untucks the soft cotton shirt and his fingers find the warm skin underneath. He traces the soft, dark line of hair leading to his crotch. The Calvin Kleins are a nice surprise. Ushijima's cock is stirring when Oikawa breathes warm air onto it. At the sound of Ushijima swallowing hard Oikawa licks his lips, opening the fly with one hand, the other still slowly wandering up and down Ushijima's thigh.

  
Oikawa hasn't done this in a while, even though he enjoys the feeling of a thick cock in his throat. He feels sexy whenever he does it, when his partner can't keep his voice down, can't keep his eyes open, can't help but pull his hair in pleasure. He even likes his raspy voice afterwards, the sore throat, the tickling sensation on his scalp.

  
He's pulling the pants down a little so he can reach Ushijima's still clothed cock. His boxers are soaked, as well, clinging to his body like a second skin. Mouthing the head of Ushijima's cock over the fabric, Oikawa can taste the wine on his tongue. Ushijima's breathing quickens.

  
His tongue finds Ushijima's balls and he sucks on them lightly, feeling the hardness of Ushijima's cock against his cheek. Oikawa himself is half-hard in his pants already.

  
There are sounds of dirty dishes being thrown into the sink coming from outside, people walking by the door. There is only a thin wooden door separating him from being fired. Oikawa can't say the danger of the situation isn't turning him on.

  
"Do you have second thoughts?" Ushijima's low voice interrupts him from kissing up the length of his cock.

  
"What makes you think that?" Oikawa whispers against the cock head. His fingers slowly slipping underneath the fabric of the boxer briefs.

  
"You're hesitating," Ushijima says.

  
"I'm not," Oikawa says and finally grips Ushijima's length with one hand.

  
Ushijima hisses softly and leans his head against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall. Oikawa feels him harden in his hand. He lets go and grips Ushijima's hips with both hands, letting them wander down his frame, pulling down his boxers and pants in the process. Ushijima's hard, thick cock springs free and and Oikawa is confronted with one of the finest, widest girths he ever had the pleasure to suck. He can't help but smile deviously at the sight.

  
Oikawa settles his hands on Ushijima's well-defined pelvic muscles, wetting his lips. He closes his eyes and slowly tongues the vein on the underside of Ushijima's  length from the base to the head. He hears a soft grunt coming from Ushijima when he softly suckles the head, sucking it into his mouth and leaping up some of the pre-cum with his tongue. The salty substance tastes familiar and new at the same time. Ushijima seems to live a healthy life. Oikawa wants more.

  
"Yes, good," Ushijima groans softly.

  
He feels warm fingers on his neck and jaw, caressing his skin softly and Oikawa is weak for it, can't bring himself to even pretend to dislike it.

  
Oikawa proceeds by gently playing with Ushijima's foreskin. The skin is soft under his tongue and he carefully grazes it with his teeth. Ushijima hisses again, albeit not in pain. Oikawa presses the tip of his tongue into the slit, gathering drops of precum on the flat of his tongue before swallowing it.

  
Oikawa sucks in more of Ushijima's cock, easing more of it into his mouth. He feels the cock head lightly grazing his throat. Pulling back a little, Oikawa feels Ushijima brushing his thumb over the corner of his mouth where some saliva has gathered, wiping it away. Oikawa looks up just in time to see Ushijima licking his own thumb. In that moment Oikawa knows he will burn in hell for finding the gesture unduly erotic. He moans around the thick cock in his mouth, bobbing his head in appreciation. Concentrating on not gagging himself, he sucks it in deeper again. He carefully swallows it down his throat, eliciting not only a moan from Ushijima but also from himself.

  
Ushijima moves his thumb in soothing motions over Oikawa's jaw. His chest heaves quicker now that Oikawa is trying to suck every drop of pre-cum out of him. His dick is steadily getting harder, filling Oikawa's mouth to the brink. He hollows his cheeks to give more sensation and one of Ushijima's hands starts to play with the fine hairs at the nape of his neck.

  
"You look gorgeous like this," Ushijima praises.

  
Oikawa debates if he should take this as a degrading insult or a compliment. He decides he doesn't care.

  
He fastens his motions and starts to gently massage Ushijima's balls with one of his hands. The soft skin of his sack is getting hotter with every brush of his fingertips, it seems. Oikawa's throat is relaxed enough now for him to deepthroat Ushijima whenever he feels like it. Alternating between bobbing his head, letting his tongue circle around the head and taking him down his throat draws the perfect moans out of Ushijima. After some time he has the perfect rhythm to make Ushijima squirm under his hands.

  
"I'm gonna come," Ushijima whispers, out of breath, after some minutes of Oikawa sucking harder on his cock.

  
Oikawa pulls back only so much that the head of Ushijima's cock lies heavy on his tongue. He hums around it, the vibration adding to the stimulation. He sucks a couple of times and then Ushijima grips his head a little firmer, holding him in place, or maybe to ground himself so he won't hurt Oikawa by thrusting into his mouth. His deep moans and grunts fill the small space of the bathroom, the air is getting thicker with every passing minute. Oikawa closes his eyes and sucks for all it's worth. With a little thrust of his hips, Ushijima comes hot down Oikawa's throat. Oikawa is keeping still, just taking it, eyes closed. His muffled moans echo from the tile walls and he swallows every drop of Ushijima's thick come.

  
Licking up and down a couple of times to clean everything up, Oikawa tries to memorize the taste of Ushijima's come combined with red wine in his mouth. It's delicious.

  
Ushijima's whole body is now resting against the wall, as if his legs couldn't hold him up anymore.

  
"Was that enough to make up for the spilled wine?", Oikawa asks in a teasing tone. He's still crouching on the ground, his cock hot and hard in his tight pants.

  
"What's your name?," Ushijima asks instead of giving an answer.

  
"Tooru," Oikawa says.

  
"Oikawa Tooru?" Ushijima's voice sounds surprised.

  
"Um, yes."

  
Ushijima helps him stand up, pulling him to his feet. But he doesn't stop there. In a swift movement he lifts Oikawa up, one arm around his waist and one around the back of his thighs. Oikawa instinctively wraps his legs around Ushijima's middle and his arms around his shoulders.

  
Ushijima carries Oikawa to the counter, sits him on top of it and applies his mouth to Oikawa's throat.

  
"You have a beautiful neck, Tooru," he speaks against Oikawa's skin.

Goosebumps erupt down his back at those words. This wasn't planned. It was just gonna be a quick blowjob and then going back to work like nothing has ever happened. Not this.

  
"What are you doing?" Oikawa all but moans when he feels Ushijima suck a what is no doubt gonna be a hickey into his neck.

  
"Don't you think I want a taste, too?"

  
Ushijima's hands wander up and down Oikawa's legs, kneading them gently. Oikawa inhales sharply when Ushijima nibbles on his earlobe.

  
"Is that okay with you? Do you want me to stop?" Oikawa appreciates the sentiment. Ushijima is careful, he is gentle with his hands and movements, always asking before doing anything, whether with his hands or his eyes.

  
"Why would I want you to stop?" Oikawa's hands find their way into Ushijima's hair.

  
Before he can give an answer there is a knock on the door interrupting Ushijima's searching hands and hungry eyes.

  
"Oikawa-san, are you in there?" It was Kageyama's voice speaking to them from the other side of the door.

Oikawa curses under his breath, Ushijima's hands still on him, his mouth still teasingly close to the sensitive spot behind Oikawa's ear.

  
"Yes, Tobio-chan, I'm, uh, helping one of our guests clean his pants, I, uh, spilled wine on him," Oikawa answers, his hands still in Ushijima's hair.

  
"We're closing early today, would you mind closing up?"

  
"That little shit," Oikawa whispers.

  
"Oikawa-san?"

  
"It's okay, Tobio-chan, go home!" Oikawa gently pushes Ushijima away from him, hops down from the counter and puts some distance between Ushijima and himself. Ushijima awkwardly clears his throat and closes his fly. There is an ugly stain on his crotch that's probably never gonna go out again.

  
"Well," Ushijima says.

  
"I hope you're okay going home like this. I would be a bit embarrassed if I were you. The meal is on me, of course. My manger is going to kill me anyway," Oikawa says while fixing his hair in the mirror. His lips a red and swollen and his skin is flushed in a healthy pink tone.

  
"I'm sorry," Ushijima says seriously, his eyebrows knitted together.

  
"You have nothing to be sorry for, really. I wanted some cock down my throat and you were willing to be my prey."

  
Oikawa unlocks the door and steps outside. Ushijima follows him, tucking in his shirt. The knot of his tie is crooked and all in all he looks like he has been recently involved in a mild car crash.

  
"May I ask you for your phone number? I'd like to see you outside of your workplace," he says. His serious face looks completely out of place, surrounded by pots and pans and basil plants.

  
"Oh, that's against the rules, unfortunately," Oikawa says unimpressed, gathering up his things from the break room. "I was just curious about what was going on down there in your pants. Now that I know, you're pretty boring to me." _Lie_. But Ushijima doesn't have to know that.

  
"I understand," Ushijima says sternly, "Thank you, then, for... you know. Do you have a ride home?"

  
"I'm walking, thank you very much. Bye bye," Oikawa sing-songs without turning around.

  
He knows his eyes would give away that he is very much interested in spending more time with the older man outside of his workplace. Even though Ushijima has a decade in age on him and at least a few inches and pounds, somehow Oikawa still feels in control with him. He is aware, though, that that is only because Ushijima lets him take control. And Oikawa can't say he doesn't like that.

  
"Is it far to your dorm? You're still a student, aren't you?" At that Oikawa turns around, his jacket already in hand.

  
"I don't think that's any of your business, I'd prefer you didn't know where I live, _sir."_ A cocky, ugly grin plays around Oikawa's mouth.

  
"I didn't mean to offend you. I'd just like to know you getting home safely."

  
Oikawa busies himself with checking if all the tables have been cleaned in the dining room. Truth be told, he is charmed by Ushijima's concern, flattered even, but he needs his job. He's not willing to be fired because of one nice piece of beefcake showing too much interest in him.

  
"I can take care of myself. I have before I met you, you see," Oikawa says coolly.

  
"Of course, I'm sorry if I've overstepped my boundaries. I'm gonna leave now," he hears the entrance door open, "Goodnight, Oikawa." The door falls shut.

  
Oikawa takes a moment to just breathe and to clear his head. This would be the end of it. He's got what he wanted and now he can move on. Ushijima probably won't come back and that means no danger of losing his job. His manager would never get to know of this.

  
He goes to the bar. There's a small safe hidden underneath the table top where staff can store their valuables during their shift. Oikawa intends to open it only to find a small piece of paper and a couple of bills neatly placed on the counter.

  
"For the meal and a tip for your service. In case you change your mind, xxx-xxx-xxx Ushijima Wakatoshi"

  
Oikawa has a faint feeling this was far from being over.

 

* * *

 

 

The tip Ushijima left him was more than enough to buy a week's worth of groceries for himself and his flatmate. Oikawa celebrated by buying a bunch of cosmetics for him and Akaashi. Nice shampoo, body lotion, hand cream, conditioner. All things he usually can't buy from what he earns at the restaurant. His salary is enough to pay for his rent and for the necessities to survive. His tuition is just enough to pay for college stuff and to pay some hospital bills now and then.

  
Akaashi was positively surprised to see food in their fridge and a bottle of nicely smelling shampoo standing in their shower.

  
"Have you won the lottery?," he asks while smelling the body lotion.

  
"Nope," Oikawa grins from the couch, observing Akaashi's happy little smile, "Let's just say I was given a good tip for good services."

  
Akaashi faces him, concern in his eyes.

  
"Please don't tell me you're working as a prostitute now." It slightly offends Oikawa that Akaashi didn't even formulate it as a question. Instead he said it like he fully expected Oikawa to do something that stupid.

  
"It's called sex worker now and there is nothing wrong with being one," he says, leaning back against a puke-green, itchy pillow, "but no, I'm not selling sex. If I were a prositute, though, no one could afford me. I'm too beautiful."

  
"Are you gonna make me ask again," Akaashi deadpans, putting lotion on his arms.

  
It was obvious how much he enjoyed himself smelling all the nice new things. Akaashi lives in similar conditions as Oikawa. Their parents have normal, average-pay jobs and can't pay for all their children's college educations, they have no scholarship and a joke for tuition. Having nice things like conditioner and moisturizer feels like luxury when you barely have enough money to buy yourself one warm meal per day.

  
"It's the customer I told you about," Oikawa says, his eyes closed, relaxing on the couch for once. "He left me a nice tip because he was content with my service. Might also be because I sucked his dick in the staff bathroom but I can't be sure, can I."

  
When Akaashi doesn't answer, he opens his eyes only to find Akaashi's face hovering bare centimeters above his. Oikawa has not heard him move whatsoever. Even sober he starts questioning if Akaashi really was from out of this world.

  
"You sucked the old man's dick."

  
"Mean, Kei-chan! He isn't that old, okay! He's hot and rich and I didn't know he'd give me so much money, I'm not complaining, though," Oikawa defends himself.

  
Akaashi sits down on the other end of the couch, staring at him as if Oikawa was the alien.

  
"And that's it?"

  
"Well, he left me his number. But I won't call him, of course. He's a customer and dating a customer is against the rules. I need my job, you know," Oikawa sighs.

  
Akaashi skids closer, those steely eyes squinting at him. Oikawa has told him time and time again he would make a great interrogator.

  
"Could it be that you use those rules as an excuse to not think about him as a potential rich boyfriend?"

  
Oikawa abruptly stands up, mock-offended, and goes to their small kitchen at the other side of the room. Their apartment is not very spacious and they use the biggest room as the living/kitchen/storage room. The apartment complex they are living in is not really a college dorm in the strict sense, but the property owner only lets college students live in the building.

  
"Don't be ridiculous, Kei-chan. That was a nice little one time thingy. Yeah, he's hot but I'm really not looking for a boyfriend, right now. Hell, I'm working two jobs, counting in the tutoring. I don't have time for a potential rich boyfriend," Oikawa says while making himself a sandwich.

 

 

 

That evening, lights dimmed and blanket around his shoulder, Oikawa sits at his desk in his room holding the little piece of paper with Ushijima's number on in his hand. From the room next to him he hears hushed voices. Akaashi is probably skyping with his beefy boyfriend again. Both Akaashi and Oikawa have a thing for beefcakes, but their tastes are still quite diverse. While Akaashi likes those compact, square beefcakes, like Bokuto, Oikawa prefers the tall and intimidating kind.

  
Unfortunately, Ushijima is exactly his type. And Oikawa is holding his number in his hands. He could just call and probably get a nice fuck out of it. But something about Ushijima's demeanor keeps him from calling. The way Ushijima touched him, talked to him. Like he wanted to take him apart slowly, like he wanted to unravel him, to cherish him.

  
Oikawa could tell what kind of lover Ushijima would make.

  
He eyes the number for what feels like the hundredth time and then rips the paper apart in tiny little shreds, letting them fall into the paper bin under his desk. The decision was easier than expected. Having a job and being single or having no job and maybe a handful of nice fucks. No one ever sticks around Oikawa for more than that anyway.

  
"Done."

 

* * *

 

 

The first Saturday of every month is Iwa-chan day. They've decided to go to different universities but their friendship did absolutely not suffer from the distance. They called and texted and video called each other multiple times a week and met up as many times as possible. But when you have been friends with someone for most of your life, not seeing each other for a couple of weeks does not put a strain on the friendship. After 15 years of being friends, they are solid parts of each other's lives.

  
Today, they decided to meet up at the mall in Oikawa's city for lunch and a movie afterwards. Oikawa is intentionally early so he could look for a new pair of blue jeans beforehand.

  
It's difficult to find jeans that meet Oikawa's expectations. His legs are long and nicely shaped from years of playing volleyball. His pants should accentuate his nice butt and also be long enough but not too long so his nice ankles wouldn't be covered. Oikawa likes to show off his ankles. With the generous tips he has received the last week, he has saved enough money to finally buy a new pair of medium-quality jeans and he couldn't be more happy to finally throw out his worn out pants he bought before his sophomore year at college had begun.

  
He's in deep thought, standing in a boutique when a figure catches his eyes. He's standing in the underwear section, and Oikawa drops the pants he's holding at the sight of him.

  
Ushijima is dressed in a dark blue coat, matching three piece underneath, shoes black and shiny clacking on the floor with every step. He looks like success on two legs. And also a little helpless.

  
In a spur of the moment decision, Oikawa abandons his sanity and approaches him. Standing directly behind him, his cologne hits him full-force and memories of their special 15 minutes in the bathroom flash before his inner eye. He can still taste the mixture of come and wine on his tongue.

  
"Can I help you, sir?," he says with a sly smirk, his hands locked behind his back innocently.

  
Ushijima turns around with a polite smile plastered on his face, looking a little forced and unsure, holding a three pack of boxers in his left and a single pair of boxer briefs in his other hand.

  
"Yes, thank you, could you- oh," Ushijima says, the polite smile falling from his lips. Oikawa's grin widens at the clear shock on Ushijima's face.

  
"Hello, Ushiwaka," Oikawa says smugly.

  
"Ushiw-?," Ushijima shakes his head slightly, "Oikawa, it's nice to see you."

  
"Can't decide what brand of black boxers you're going to buy?" Oikawa takes them from Ushijima, examining them.

  
"It's not-"

  
"Maybe you should try them on and then decide, don't you think?" Before Ushijima can answer, Oikawa grabs his hand and pulls him in the direction of the fitting rooms.

  
Ushijima makes questioning noises but can't manage to form any coherent objections. Oikawa's advantage is his unpredictability as well as his speed, and he fully uses it against Ushijima's natural authority and strength.

  
One fitting room at the end of the row of fitting rooms is still unoccupied and Oikawa marches inside, pulling Ushijima inside with him.

  
With the heavy, dark curtain closed, Oikawa gets close to the taller man, locking his arms around his thick neck. Whether it be in reflex or intentional, Ushijima holds him with both hands on his waist.

  
"You confuse me," Ushijima whispers, searching Oikawa's face for what exactly, Oikawa isn't sure.

  
"Do you want to kiss me?," Oikawa says.

  
"I do."

  
"Then lift me up, anybody could walk by and notice the two pairs of feet," Oikawa commands in a light tone of voice. Ushijima picks him up.

  
Oikawa is a grown man, an ex-athlete with a lot of muscle, and Ushijima picks him up. It should be impossible how sexy Oikawa thinks that is.

  
He's looking down at Ushijima now, their faces bare inches apart. Ushijima alternates between looking at Oikawa's lips and his neck, his eyes longing. The hickey he sucked into Oikawa's pale skin there is still visible. Oikawa doesn't bother covering it up outside work.

  
"Kiss me, stranger," Oikawa whispers and smiles mischievously.

  
Oikawa waits until he sees Ushijima close his eyes before he closes his own and leans in. It's a very soft brush of their lips at first. Shy, even. After some seconds Oikawa tightens his arms around Ushijima's neck and hums softly. Ushijima pulls back some inches, brushing away an imaginary strand of hair from Oikawa's forehead before leaning in again, this kiss more urgent. Ushijima presses his mouth to Oikawa's plush lips, his fingers skid over the thin fabric of Oikawa's shirt and Oikawa's thumb brushes over Ushijima's throat.

  
He hasn't been kissed like this in a long time. A kiss that develops, that unfolds. Ushijima still hasn't used his tongue but Oikawa is hungry for it. He takes the initiative and opens his mouth, lightly nibbling on Ushijima's top lip. His shirt has ridden up and Ushijima's pinky and ring finger touch the bare skin of his lower back. The touch leaves burn marks on his skin.

  
Ushijima lets out a low groan and opens his mouth as well, tonguing Oikawa's bottom lip with a brutal gentleness. Oikawa tries to hold in the moan that threatens to come out. Instead he touches Ushijima's tongue with his own. The feeling is so satisfying it takes the breath right out of his lungs. They pull back from the kiss.

  
"I refuse to do anything sexual in a fitting room," Ushijima whispers against Oikawa's lips.

  
"That's too bad, then," Oikawa whispers right back. He squirms in Ushijima's arms until he lets him down again. Oikawa fixes his rumpled shirt and with a court nod exits the cubicle.

  
"Oikawa, I don't like to be treated this way," Ushijima says. His voice sounds hesitant. His eyes look confused.

  
Oikawa stops in his tracks without turning around. What he's doing to Ushijima is unfair and Oikawa is aware of it. Ushijima clearly told him that he'd like this to be a _thing_. Whatever this thing may entail. But it's not like Oikawa planned all this. He doesn't know what has ridden him to attack Ushijima in a clothing store. He didn't think at all which is quite untypical for him, after all.

  
"How do you want to be treated then?"

  
"I'd like to get to know you, if you'd let me." People around them are eyeing them suspiciously. Oikawa doesn't really care for their stares, Ushijima doesn't seem to, either.

  
"I really don't have time for... for _dating_ , Ushiwaka-san. My life consists of college and working two jobs to barely get by," Oikawa says evenly, "You don't really fit anywhere in there."

  
Ushijima looks at him in a way Oikawa can't quite decipher.

  
"Sorry," Oikawa says before all but running away, completely forgetting to buy new pants.

 

Of course Iwa-chan notices that Oikawa is a little jumpy when they meet at Subway 30 minutes later. He can't help but look around for Ushijima every other minute. It's hard to say whether he's disappointed to not see him or relieved.

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks after the mall incident, Oikawa has more or less successfully banished all thoughts of Ushijima from his head. It was easy on the one and hard on the other hand. While they don't know each other well enough to have established an emotional bond, they have something that many couples seem to lack: a natural attraction to each other. But he's certain that after a couple more weeks he will be over the whole thing. He's had worse before.

  
Tonight was another one of those quiet evenings at Le Château. Oikawa is thankful for those kinds of days. They mean less stress and less frustration afterwards. Sometimes, working weekends at Le Château makes Oikawa question whether it was the right choice to apply here or not. Like when Oikawa has to walk around so much he feels like his knee is about to give away under him at any second. Then he's reminded of why he had to take this job in the first place and he'd rather not think about that.

  
He could imagine Akaashi to be thankful for these quiet days, as well. To him they mean a not as whiny Oikawa.

  
Oikawa is serving a table with only one old man when Kageyama approaches him. He looks flustered and even more gloomy than usual.

  
"Oikawa-san, there is a guest demanding you as his... waiter? He just demanded you, I guess," Kageyama scratches his head awkwardly, the manners of that boy. "He even said he'd pay double for whatever he orders if you sit with him. I'm not sure that's allowed, though."

  
Oikawa knows at once who that someone is. His intuition has told him that Ushijima is the kind of person that needs a proper ending. Oikawa dreads those people, he prefers open ends or no ends at all. Much easier. Much simpler.

  
"Show me the way, Tobio-chan," he sighs, surrendering to his self-inflicted fate.

  
Kageyama leads him to a table in the secluded area of the restaurant, where usually businessmen dine with their affairs or businesswomen with their assistants. This place reeks of secrets and lies.

  
At one of those tables sits Ushijima, fiddling his thumbs as if he was nervous. Today his suit is anthracite and his shoes suede. He looks irresistible. A dog is lying at his feet. Weird but also weirdly cute? No, just rude. This is a restaurant,  after all. Still, Oikawa choses to ignore the animal.

  
Stopping in front of his table, Oikawa raises one of his delicate eyebrows in a way of greeting. Ushijima looks up and gestures to the chair opposite of his. Oikawa sighs and sits down. This is the first time he's ever sat at a table in the restaurant, he thinks.

  
"Are you inviting me to dinner, Ushiwaka-san? How gentlemanly of you," Oikawa says with his working-smile plastered onto his face.

  
"If you're hungry, of course," Ushijima says, "But actually, I wanted to talk to you. Ask you something. But don't feel obligated to do anything you don't want to."

  
Oikawa fixes him with a neutral stare. "What do you want to talk about."

  
Ushijima always looks so well-put together. Perfect appearance, perfectly neutral facial expressions, a perfect calm demeanor. Oikawa is curious about what lies beneath that perfect facade of his. What could rile him up.

  
"Why are you working here?" The question surprises Oikawa but he tries to not let it show on his face.

  
"I don't see how that could be of any interest to you."

  
"You don't have to answer me, of course." Ushijima doesn't order anything to eat. Sitting in front of him is an untouched glass of water. Oikawa considers not answering and just leaving.

  
"It pays good and I need money. College isn't exactly cheap, as you may remember," Oikawa answers, "even though it must've been a long time since you were in college, huh, Ushiwaka-san."

  
Ushijima ignores the implication and the what he might think is a nickname.

  
"What would you say if I paid you double the money you earn here in the same amount of time." Ushijima folds his hands in front of him on the table. Oikawa hesitates before mimicking him.

  
"Doing what exactly?"

  
"Instead of coming here, you would come to me."

  
"You want me to be your sex slave." Oikawa leans back in his chair, he checks for possible eavesdroppers but finds none. He could just leave, report Ushijima to the manager and walk away from all this.

  
"No. I want to spend time with you. You wouldn't be obligated to have sex with me if you didn't want to." Ushijima unfolds his hands, taking a sip from his water.

  
"You want to spend time with me. And pay me for that." Oikawa's voice is uninflected and careful. He can't quite believe what comes out of his mouth. The idea alone seems crazy to him.

  
"Yes. You could leave any time you'd want. You wouldn't be bound to anything," Ushijima explains calmly.

Oikawa takes a moment to just look at Ushijima.

  
"So, to sum everything up. You want me to quit my well-paid, relatively safe job to spend time with you. And you'd pay me twice as much as I earn here. And I wouldn't have to do anything but - I don't know - lie on your couch and _look pretty_?" Oikawa can't hold back his borderline-hysterical laughter.

  
"Exactly." Ushijima's face remains serious but open.

  
Oikawa searches his face for any signs of him joking or lying. What he finds is sincerity and mild curiosity.

  
"You want to be my sugar daddy."  
  
  
Ushijima looks slightly embarrassed at Oikawa's blunt statement but doesn't disagree.

  
"If you want to call it that, yes," and after taking a deep breath, "I want to be your sugar daddy."

  
They stare at each other for minutes. Both too stubborn to look away first. In the end it's Oikawa. He didn't notice Ushijima's hand inching closer to his until he feels those calloused fingers close around his own. Oikawa looks at their joined hands then and---.

 

 

Oikawa's pretty face has opened many doors for him throughout his life. However, not every door could be unlocked with a pretty face. At least that's what Oikawa thought.

  
Oikawa never would've guessed that his pretty face would lead him to bag a sugar daddy.

 

Not that he's complaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm back and I brought porn. The thing is, I'm not scared of going o hell, I'm quite certain I'm going there. I'm scared that my mom has done anything sinful in her life and sees me there.
> 
> On a more serious note, in my last fic I only vaguely described the smut and the smut is now a central topic of my fic. So. What went wrong? I was once pure and innocent? I'm still a fairly pure and innocent asexual being, tyvm, but something clearly happened. If I wrote anything that is - I don't know - impossible? please do tell me. Also, if something is so unerotic you had to puke or cringe in disgust. Do tell me. Tell me anything. Whatever you thought. Even if it's just a 'ew'. 
> 
> Thank you for your attention, see you next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://nevermind-bye.tumblr.com/) I'll say hi back!

Oikawa has to take the bus to get to Ushijima's place. He feels ridiculous sitting in the almost empty bus driving uptown to the city district with the highest buildings and the highest income rate. It's remarkable that there even  is a bus station in that area, considering that most of the residents probably have never seen the insides of a bus.

  
It's not like Ushijima didn't offer to pick him up at his dorm, but Oikawa could only imagine how ridiculous he would feel if a black limousine stopped in front of the shabby building he lives in. What his neighbors would think when they saw him climbing in. What they would ask him the next day. Paying the bus fare and accepting the half an hour drive seemed much more tolerable in comparison.

  
When Akaashi asked him whether he was nervous or not, Oikawa just chuckled lightly and rolled his eyes in experation. The truth is, however, he's not nervous. He's  _panicked_. Sweaty hands and cold shivers running down his spine included.

  
Leaning his head against the cold window pane of the bus, Oikawa tries to calm himself down. It's not exactly that he's scared of Ushijima, it's rather the unpredictability of the situation. What Ushijima is expecting of him, of today. Hell, Oikawa doesn't know what he himself is expecting.

  
Would they even talk? Or just get right at it? Oikawa wouldn't be completely against that possibility. In fact, he would prefer it like that. Sex is what he can do, what's familiar, what he's good at. He knows what to expect when it comes to sex.

  
Still, Ushijima assured him they didn't necessarily have to have sex, back at the restaurant. Maybe Oikawa should follow Akaashi's advice and test the waters today. Just to see how Ushijima would react when Oikawa wouldn't even let Ushijima touch him.

  
Oikawa has to suppress an amused giggle when he remembers the way Akaashi reacted when he told him what had happened between Ushijima and him at the restaurant.

 

 

"You did what."

  
Never in all their time living together has Oikawa ever seen Akaashi being graceless. But milk and half-eaten cereal parts dribbling down his chin while his mouth is hanging open in shock is... anything but graceful.

  
"Kei-chan, you're overreacting," Oikawa scolded from the couch. "He said we didn't have to have sex. So he's like... a vanilla sugar daddy."

  
By now Akaashi was chewing on his spoon instead of his cereal.

  
"Tooru. You are so thirsty for his dick you would pay _him_ if that meant he'd fuck you."

  
"Rude," Oikawa weakly objected.  


It was late at night and he had suffered through a tiring day of college, then tutoring and then work. Not to forget Ushijima offering to be his sugar daddy. How could he forget about that.

  
"But true. Don't even try to deny it. You've been moaning and whining for the last two weeks."

  
Akaashi used his spoon as a weapon as he strode over to the couch Oikawa was lounging on. Standing in front of Oikawa, he started spooning his soggy cereal again, quietly judging Oikawa.

  
"You haven't seen him, Kei-chan," Oikawa sighed dreamily. "He's just so beefy. When he left he even kissed me on the cheek and said 'just think about it, Oikawa'," at that last part Oikawa tried imitating Ushijima's deep voice and had to accept that he couldn't.

  
"Tooru, it's still very very dangerous," and there was Akaashi's mom-voice. "He could just use you. Or worse: rape you and throw your lifeless body in a ditch afterwards."

  
Oikawa sighed again and made room for Akaashi to sit down. It's not like he hadn't considered that possibility.

  
"I'll text you every full hour so you know I'm okay. And I will be back after three hours precisely," Oikawa promised solemnly, trying to sound reasonable. "And he said I could draft a contract with my conditions he will have to sign before we do anything. I thought you could help me with that, by the way, put your pre-law to the test."

  
Akaashi continued to stare at him while chewing on his spoon. At this point Oikawa was honestly concerned for his flatmate's perfect teeth. The silence between them felt uncomfortable but he understood that Akaashi needed time to think everything over. His friend's opinion means a lot to Oikawa. If Akaashi said he should leave his fingers off of Ushijima there is a 78% chance he would do exactly that. Only Iwa-chan's opinion has more weight. But Iwa-chan probably shouldn't know of this whole ordeal or otherwise he'd kick Oikawa's ass so hard he'd never even dream of having sex ever again.

  
"You're the expert on knowing people. If you think this Ushijima guy is safe, you should go for it," Akaashi finally spoke.

  
Oikawa squealed of happiness and scrambled over the blankets and old pillows to give Akaashi a euphoric hug.

  
It was close to three a.m. when Akaashi and Oikawa finished the contract.

 

 

And exactly that contract is burning a hole into Oikawa's ribcage, sitting patiently in his college bag he is currently clutching to his chest tightly. It's nothing fancy but it settles some rules and boundaries. For example it includes Oikawa's terms and conditions involving their arrangement: He doesn't have to be available at all times, he can leave whenever he wants and also break the arrangement without having to give an explanation as to his reasons why. Also, he doesn't have to do things he doesn't consent to and he is always free to change his mind. Akaashi insisted to include that those terms also apply to Ushijima, just to give him some security. In case Ushijima wants to break the arrangement, though, he is obliged to pay Oikawa a certain amount of money so he can bridge the time he doesn't have a job. It feels oddly serious for the thing between Oikawa and Ushijima. The thing that wasn't even a thing yet.

  
The station Oikawa has to get off the bus at is nearing and the butterflies in his stomach start to feel more like full-grown pterosaurs. It doesn't make sense why he feels so nervous. Just to be safe, Oikawa hasn't quit his job at Le Château yet and if he doesn't feel comfortable with Ushijima, he can just leave without having to fear for any consequences. Adding up to that is the fact that Oikawa totally has the hots for Ushijima. So it really bothers him that his nerves are betraying him. Maybe that's the reason why they're betraying him in the first place.

  
When he gets off the bus the cold evening air hits him in the face. He should've remembered to bring a scarf. It's dinnertime, so the streets are rather empty when Oikawa follows the directions google maps provides him.

  
The area is completely different from what Oikawa has expected. He thought the houses would be modern and simplistic white and gray buildings but in reality it's rather _quaint_. Old, ruggedly built stone buildings and battered pavement. All of a sudden Oikawa realizes that this is the old part of town where the richest families have resided for generations. And this is where Ushijima lives.

  
Suddenly, Oikawa is standing in front of his destination. Ushijima gave him his address after their meeting at Le Château, the small paper in his hand wrinkled and soggy from his sweat. The building looks as old as the others in the area and seems to contain several apartments.

  
Oikawa's heart is pounding in his throat when he finds Ushijima's name on one of the door bell nameplates. He takes a couple of steadying breathes before finally ringing the bell. An annoying jingle starts playing and then there is a crackling sound and Ushijima's voice speaks to him through the speaker.

  
"Hello?"

  
Oikawa realizes he is expected to answer but he has problems finding his voice.

  
"Um, it's Oikawa."

  
"I'm coming down in a second," Ushijima says and his voice sounds lighter than before.

  
Oikawa has a maximum of half a minute to compose himself. He checks his hair and face in one of the windows and straightens his back. No need for Ushijima to know that Oikawa isn't self-confident all the time. He practices his effortless smile when the door suddenly opens and a monstrosity of a dog almost runs him over. The animal is happily wagging its tail and stares up at Oikawa expectantly. After the initial shock Oikawa erupts into a huge smile and bends down to excitedly pet the friendly-looking dog. It's the same dog that was with Ushijima in the restaurant, he realizes.

  
"Aren't you a cute little puppy?," he coos and the dog's tail starts wagging faster. When Oikawa scratches him behind his floppy, fluffy ears he closes his eyes in enjoyment. It takes Oikawa a second before he notices Ushijima standing behind the dog. He looks down at Oikawa with a soft smile playing on his lips.

  
Oikawa stands up abruptly. The dog makes disappointed puppy noises and Oikawa bends down again to continue stroking his soft fur. Nothing worse than disappointed puppy eyes.

  
"Hello Ushiwaka-san, nice dog you have there," Oikawa says from his crouching position with as much dignity as he can muster. To his surprise, Ushijima kneels down next to him and also starts stroking his dog's fluffy hair.

  
"Hello Oikawa," Ushijima's voice sounds pleased, "I hope you had no troubles getting here."

  
The dog has enough of the petting and stands up, sniffing around the small patch of grass next to the building.

  
"I took the bus," Oikawa says not very brightly and cringes at his words.  


The dog managed to spontaneously calm his nerves but now that Ushijima and him are alone, they caught up again full-force.

  
"Inuyasha and I just wanted to go for a walk but I think he doesn't need me anymore," Ushijima says and looks at the giant dog sniffing around the bushes.

  
"Inu-?" Oikawa momentarily distrusts his ears at what Ushijima has just called his dog.

  
"My little sister was allowed to name him. In retrospect, not the best decision," Ushijima admits while scratching his elbow awkwardly, he looks a little bashful, even. Cute.

  
At the way Ushijima holds himself, Oikawa notices that he isn't the only one who's nervous. While Ushijima's face gives away nothing, his slightly bowed posture betrays him. It relieves Oikawa greatly to know Ushijima isn't as stoic as he likes to pretend to be.  


After letting Inuyasha take a piss, and an awkward chit chat in the half-dark, Ushijima leads Oikawa up the stairs to the apartment right under the roof.

  
Upon Ushijima opening the door, Oikawa realizes that the outward appearance of the house was utterly misleading. The apartment must have been renovated recently because Oikawa imagines he can still smell fresh paint. The apartment is actually more of a loft, he notes.

  
Everything is shiny and white and simplistic. It's more or less one room. Looking to the left, Oikawa sees the kitchen, giving the impression of never having been used before. On the opposite side are several doors leading to what seems to be the bathroom and a storage room. In the center of the room stands an enormous, comfortable looking couch with view on the balcony and the city's skyline. A wide flat screen surrounded by four white shelves filled with DVDs and CDs sits in front of it. In the far left corner of the room is a metallic spiral staircase leading up to the second story where Oikawa suspects Ushijima's bedroom to be. Everything is open and bathed in light and smelling clean.

It doesn't look like a home, though. It looks like a catalog home. Bare walls, no decorations, no personal belongings anywhere in sight.

  
"I could give you a tour, if you liked," Ushijima offers.

  
He shows Oikawa the kitchen that Oikawa would love to use someday and also the guest bathroom. Inuyasha follows them happily upstairs. Ushijima's bedroom is indeed on the second story, they walk up the spiral staircase and there it is; Ushijima's giant, comfortable looking bed. It has lots of matching pillows leaning against the headrest, Oikawa wants to bury his face in. Looking over the hip-high railing, Oikawa can overlook the whole apartment from the bedroom. For a person living alone this might be nice, he thinks, but living with others means no real privacy whatsoever with everything being open like this. 

  
Oikawa likes that there aren't a lot of doors but he can't help but wonder if Ushijima actually _lives_ here.

  
Hidden behind a tall, old looking door is the master bathroom and Oikawa is disappointed to not find a bathtub. Inuyasha hops onto the bed and stays there to take a nap. Must be hard being a puppy, Oikawa muses.

  
Going down again, Ushijima offers Oikawa to show him the balcony, too, and Oikawa is happy to get a chance of getting some fresh air. The huge bed has given him some ideas and he needs to cool down again.

  
Upon opening the gull-wing doors to the balcony and pushing a small button, Oikawa is confronted with the heart of the apartment. This is where Ushijima has hidden all of his personality.

The balcony is spacious and more like a terrace and there are plants and flowers everywhere. In every possible niche and corner are ceramic pots decorated with the most beautiful flowers Oikawa has ever seen. He finds a bird bath and two makeshift bird houses. Did Ushijima build them himself? There are some dog toys, too, strewn across the floor. 

  
"This is my favorite place," Ushijima says from behind him.

  
Oikawa turns around to smile at him only to suddenly spot what will be _his_ favorite place, for sure. At the far right corner of the balcony sits a huge Jacuzzi. _A_ _Jacuzzi_.

  
"I want you to fuck me in there," Oikawa deadpans, pointing to the manifestation of his dreams.  


It has enough room for two people and with the view on the whole city Oikawa can well imagine himself soiling the nice, clear water.

  
"Now?" Ushijima's voice sounds wary. He's still standing in the doorway, watching Oikawa tentatively with furrowed brows.

  
"That's why I'm here, isn't it?"

  
Ushijima looks conflicted. Oikawa watches his reaction closely. It's unsettling that Oikawa still hasn't managed to figure him out, yet. What he can say, though, is that Ushijima looks unbearably sexy in the soft light of the few lamps standing in various places around the apartment and with the Jacuzzi right next to him.

  
"I thought maybe I could cook dinner first."

  
Oikawa looks at him a little confused.

  
"You want to cook dinner for me?," he asks perplexed. Ushijima shrugs and gestures for Oikawa to come inside again.

  
"I haven't eaten, yet. I came home just a couple of minutes before you got here, actually. If you want to join me, I'd be delighted." He uses the word delighted. Ushijima would be _delighted_ if Oikawa ate with him.

  
"Sure," Oikawa says and on a second thought, "how about I show you the contract first?"

  
"Sure," Ushijima echoes and sits down on the couch, patting the space next to him invitingly.

  
Oikawa, who's still wearing his bag, reaches into it and pulls out a couple of slightly crinkled papers. He puts them on the table right in front of Ushijima and sits down next to him, lightly brushing Ushijima's shoulder. The butterflies in his stomach take flight again. He aches for some physical contact.

  
Ushijima's serious business face does things to Oikawa's libido. Although Ushijima has discarded his tie and jacket after coming home, he's still wearing his suit pants and nice cashmere shirt. It's an understatement to say he looks good like this.

  
Ushijima silently reads over the contract once, before reaching for a shiny, silver ballpoint pen to sign both copies with his name. His handwriting is hardly legible and suiting for a businessman.

  
"Okay?," he asks. All Oikawa can think of is _talk business to me_.

  
"I promised my roommate I'd be back after three hours," Oikawa says with hooded eyes, leaning in closer to Ushijima. "You've wasted one hour already."

  
Ushijima gulps loudly, watching Oikawa's every movement. Oikawa crawls closer, daringly putting one hand on Ushijima's thigh, the other playing with his collar, opening the top button with practiced fingers.

  
"Are you sure you're not hungry?," Ushijima asks, also leaning in, his own hand reaching for Oikawa's leg.

  
Oikawa comes even closer, his face a breath away from Ushijima's and he slowly lifts himself up, supporting himself with both hands on Ushijima's shoulders before gently sitting himself down in Ushijima's lap. Ushijima helps him by holding him by his waist and just leaves his hands there when Oikawa is settled.

  
"I sure am hungry," Oikawa says seductively and nibs on Ushijima's slightly stubbly jaw playfully.  


He pulls back a bit to be able to look at Ushijima's face. Ushijima's lips are parted and he seems to flirt with Oikawa's neck. With both hands cupping Ushijima's face, he gently lifts it so Ushijima is looking at him. Then, he kisses him.

  
Straddling Ushijima's lap and touching his plush lips to Ushijima's again and again in hungry kisses, Oikawa is completely in his element. This is familiar. He's good at this, he knows what he can and has to do. With every touch Oikawa relaxes more and more.

  
Ushijima is still clearly holding back, his hands sitting on Oikawa's waist, not moving, while Oikawa's hands are currently roaming through Ushijima's hair. It's soft and short and he likes the velvety feeling of the thick strands between his fingers.

  
"Touch me," he moans against Ushijima's mouth. It seems all Ushijima needed was a clear invitation.

  
Immediately, he changes their position; he gently moves Oikawa so he is lying down on the couch, his legs still wrapped around Ushijima's middle. They deepen their kiss. Ushijima's tongue feels hot in Oikawa's mouth. His big hands massage the back of Oikawa's thighs, and his fingertips press into the soft flesh, only a breath away from touching Oikawa's ass. One of Oikawa's legs makes its way between Ushijima's to create some delicious friction. Ushijima unconsciously rubs his groin on it. They're both half-hard.

  
"More," Oikawa demands breathily. Ushijima moans against his mouth and gives him exactly what he asks for.

  
He starts by undressing Oikawa slowly, giving his perk nipples some attention before kissing his way down to Oikawa's crotch. He gets rid of those too tight pants and frees Oikawa of his briefs. Oikawa's hips rise, searching for contact, but Ushijima ignores him, holding him in place while sucking hickey after hickey into the milky expanse of Oikawa's inner thighs. He seems to have a fascination with his legs, his one hand reaching back to hold onto Oikawa's ankle while the other is still daringly close to Oikawa's ass. Oikawa is writhing under his touch.

  
He is used to a more practical way to be opened up but Ushijima takes his time. Takes him apart with his tongue and fingers, inch by inch they sink deeper into Oikawa's most private part. It's preparation for what Oikawa once dubbed one of the finest, widest girths he's ever had the pleasure to suck. And soon he will ride it with all he's got.

  
While slowly sinking into Oikawa, Ushijima gives him soothing kisses on his lips, his neck and collarbones. His tongue traces the deep red love bites he has left there minutes ago. It's so hot they feel inflamed. Oikawa doesn't care if he leaves marks, he doesn't have to worry about his manager calling him out on them. If she wanted to fire him for this, he'd do nothing to stop her. This was his work now. Having sex with Ushijima was his work.

  
They fuck on the designer couch. Oikawa having come in prepared by carrying a small bottle of lube and a condom in his jacket pocket.

  
Ushijima's hands are everywhere and Oikawa's moans fill the whole loft. They fuck for a small eternity before Oikawa comes with a loud, high-pitched moan over his own stomach. Ushijima comes with his cock buried deep inside of Oikawa, muffling his low moans into Oikawa's neck.

  
Afterwards, they're both sweaty and tired, lying bonelessly on the spoiled designer pillows. Ushijima breaks down on top of Oikawa, letting his head rest on Oikawa's heaving chest. Oikawa pets his head absentmindedly.

  
"Best job ever," he chuckles.

 

* * *

 

 

Exactly two hours and 37 minutes after entering Ushijima's apartment, he's back at his dorm. Akaashi expects him and waits for Oikawa on Oikawa's bed. They go over the events of the evening in great detail. Oikawa confesses he's broken his resolve to not have sex with Ushijima on their first meeting. He also confesses that he fled the scene after getting dressed with giving the promise to come back next Friday after work. Ushijima offered him to take a shower at his place while he'd make some dinner and to drive him home but Oikawa declined each offer and left. It's hard to say why Oikawa suddenly had the urge to leave but he knew he couldn't do this whole dinner thing, yet. Ushijima was his sugar daddy, his booty call, his sex-date. Not his boyfriend. Oikawa probably needed to prove that to himself.

 

  
Lying on his bed with Akaashi next door, he goes over the evening again in his head. As much as he loves Akaashi, he doesn't need to know everything. Like how Ushijima's hands felt unbelievably strong on Oikawa's hips but how their every touch was gentle and careful. How Ushijima had put his forehead against Oikawa's chest after coming. How wanted and precious Oikawa felt whenever Ushijima touched him.

  
Oikawa is well-aware that he's good looking and smart and very much worthy of a crush. But a little flattery is not unwelcome. Definitely not when it comes from a successful, handsome man, ten years older than himself. At least Oikawa thinks he's ten years older. And successful. Actually, Oikawa doesn't know anything about him. And all of a sudden and without any warning at all, it bothers him.

  
Maybe Ushijima once had a rich aunt he inherited a great amount of money from. Maybe he won the lottery. Maybe he's the inventor of pop tarts. Maybe Oikawa should ask next time they meet. Next time. In three days. He has promised to stay longer then. Not that Ushijima asked him to but upon Oikawa's sudden flight, he was met with two pairs of disappointed puppy eyes. Nothing worse than that.

 

* * *

 

 

Friday comes and Oikawa has to work the late shift at the restaurant again. While serving old and smelly rich people, he dreams of a warm bath in Ushijima's Jacuzzi. Although his shift ends at twelve, at least if nothing goes wrong, Oikawa has promised to still come by Ushijima's loft afterwards.

  
Before anybody could even suggest Oikawa could do the close up, he interjects he had an important event he had to attend and, oh, Tobio-chan, why don't you do it. Oikawa lives off of the stupid expression Kageyama wears on his face at that.

  
Oikawa takes the bus directly from the station close to the restaurant. He hopes for a quick fuck and _byebye_ before going back to the dorm. But nevertheless, Oikawa is determined to ask Ushijima some questions he considers important. How he earns his money, for example, or how rich he is exactly and most importantly how old he really is.

  
The tiredness wins over the anxiety and Oikawa doesn't hesitate to ring the bell as soon as he stands in front of the door. This time, Ushijima just uses the buzzer and Oikawa climbs up the stairs to his loft. He's greeted by Inuyasha waiting for him on the final step. He leans down to cuddle him when Ushijima appears in the doorway.

  
"Hello, Ushiwaka-san," Oikawa says, all while still playing around with the giant dog.

  
"Hello, Oikawa," Ushijima says evenly, "Inuyasha really likes you, it seems."

  
"Well, I really like him, too," Oikawa smiles at Inuyasha who's currently lying on his back, wanting his belly rubbed.

  
When Inuyasha has had enough, he stands up and waggles back inside the loft, probably to spread his hairs on the designer couch.

  
Oikawa stands up from his crouching position and looks up to Ushijima's relaxed features. He's wearing casual clothes; a simple T-shirt and soft looking denim pants. The outfit suits him well.

  
Ushijima opens the door wider for Oikawa to enter but Oikawa has no self-control and stands up on his toes to press a sloppy smooch to Ushijima's surprised mouth.

  
"Hi," he smiles, his lips brushing against Ushijima's.

  
"Hi," Ushijima breathes back.

  
Oikawa wants to be quick tonight, his feet hurt and his back aches. Hoping Ushijima would be okay with a quick blowjob, he plops himself down on the couch next to a happy Inuyasha, waiting for the other man to join them.

  
"Did you come here straight from work?," Ushijima asks, approaching him.

  
"Yeah, it was really busy tonight so I'm not up for anything fancy," Oikawa says lazily. "How about I blow you real quick and then I'm gone again?"

  
Ushijima leans over the headrest behind Oikawa, not giving an answer.

  
"May I?," he asks politely, gesturing to Oikawa's stiff shoulders. Skeptical, Oikawa raises one of his eyebrows at Ushijima but nods anyway.

  
Ushijima leans down and starts gently kneading Oikawa's neck and nape. His thumbs press down soothingly into the tension points from Oikawa's hairline to between his shoulder blades. The massage is unbelievably relaxing and Oikawa leans back into Ushijima's touch gratefully, his eyes involuntarily dropping shut. He's puddy in Ushijima's hands.

  
"How about you take a long shower and we order something to eat?," Ushijima's voice is quiet, hesitant, as if he's expecting Oikawa to bold again at the prospect of eating something together. But Oikawa is not in the mood to decline a hot shower and probably some Chinese takeout, so he simply nods again.

  
A kiss is pressed to the top of Oikawa's spine and Oikawa can't find it in himself to protest against the soft touch.

  
Going upstairs, he searches around the cupboards in Ushijima's bathroom for towels. The dark tiles of the floor feel cool and soothing underneath the bare soles of his feet and relieve some of the pain. Oikawa strips down to nothing and enters the luxurious shower. It's at ground-level and spacious like the rest of the apartment. The shower head is installed at the ceiling and the water coming out of it feels like heavy rain on Oikawa's skin. Ushijima's products smell good enough, so Oikawa uses the shampoo and shower gel to rinse off the sweat sitting heavy on his skin. If he wants to do this more often, though, he'll have to bring a nice body scrub next time around.

  
The bathroom is steamy when he gets out of the shower and the mirror is fogged up. Next to the door, Oikawa finds a small pile of fresh clothing to change into. His own clothes are distinctly missing.

  
Clean and dressed in soft sweatpants and a simple black shirt, he gets downstairs again. The underwear he's wearing was not even worn yet and Oikawa wonders if all of the clothes he's wearing are actually new.

  
Ushijima sits on the couch, remote in hand, one arm thrown other the headrest, and watches TV. When he feels the couch shift, he looks at Oikawa who's sleepy and warm and just wants to go to bed.

  
"Food will be here in half an hour," Ushijima informs him, "snuggle in?". The words sound ridiculous coming from Ushijima's mouth but Oikawa is too content and too tired to mock him for it and simply snuggles in. He's gonna make fun of him some other time.

  
Leaning his head on Ushijima's shoulder, he presses his whole body to Ushijima's warm torso to absorb some of the warmth himself. Ushijima grabs his legs and gently pulls them over his lap, massaging his knee with precise motions.

  
They stay like this and look at the TV without really watching.

  
"What about the blowjob, though," Oikawa murmurs against Ushijima's neck. Ushijima's fingers don't stop and he doesn't turn to look at Oikawa.

  
"I think this is nice, don't you? You're tired, I'm not a necrophile," Ushijima murmurs right back.

  
"Did you forget to take your Viagra pill, Ushiwaka-san? Can't get it up without it?" Ushijima only chuckles at Oikawa's weak insult, seemingly amused.

  
"How old are you anyway?," Oikawa finally manages to ask, raising his head to look at Ushijima's face, checking for wrinkles. He tries to hide his curiosity under a mask of disinterest.

  
"Thirty-three," Ushijima says evenly, "does that bother you?"

  
"You should change your skin care, then," Oikawa presses his pointer finger between Ushijima's eyebrows, "you look way older with all those wrinkles."

  
Ushijima doesn't have any wrinkles and he, in fact, doesn't look older than he really is. Oikawa wasn't too far off from the truth when he thought Ushijima was ten years older. It's twelve years but who really cares. Ushijima takes Oikawa's hand away from his forehead and bites his finger playfully. Oikawa laughs and Ushijima tugs Oikawa's head under his chin again.

  
Then they're quiet, snuggled up together and warm, watching whatever is running at one a.m..

  
The bell rings and Ushijima moves to open the door for the delivery service. Oikawa lies down and doesn't even notice Ushijima returning. He sleeps.

 

* * *

 

 

It could be a dream but Oikawa feels like he's engulfed by a cloud, it's soft and cozy and Oikawa is relaxed and happy. But something is tugging at his consciousness when all he wants to do is stay in this dream.

  
"Oikawa," the voice says quietly, "Tooru."

  
Reluctantly Oikawa opens his eyes to find Ushijima's face hovering over his, a huge hand brushing tenderly over his cheek.

  
"Mh?"

  
"Do you have to be anywhere tomorrow morning?"

  
"Nuh-uh," Oikawa mutters, disgruntled, "it's the weekend, dummy."

  
"Do you want to stay over, you can have the bed," Ushijima can't just leave him alone, can he?

  
"Mhh," Oikawa nuzzles his face into the fluffy pillow.

  
"Okay, good night then," Ushijima whispers and Oikawa falls asleep again.

 

* * *

 

 

The next time he wakes, sunrays are tickling his nose and a cold, wet something nudges his hand insistently. Oikawa pulls his hand under the covers of the warm duvet so the cold, wet thing can't annoy him anymore. He feels the mattress dip and a weight is settling on his back. Then a hot, wet something strikes him across the face and with a jolt Oikawa shrieks up, eyes open wide, suddenly more than awake.

  
A big, dumb puppy is staring at Oikawa with his dark button eyes and his fluffy tail wagging against Oikawa's bum. He's in a bed, Oikawa notices then. He's in Ushijima's bed. He must've carried him upstairs.

  
"Good morning to you, too," Oikawa mutters but can't hide his amused smile. He strokes Inuyasha's fur a couple of times before getting up.

  
As usual, he kicked off his sweats while asleep, so his legs are bare. The shirt he's wearing is wrinkly from sleeping in it and so is Oikawa's face. The fabric structure of the pillow is imprinted on his cheeks, Oikawa can feel it under his fingertips when he rubs his tired eyes.

  
All in all, he feels awake and happy. He feels like he hasn't slept this tight in months.

  
Inuyasha hops down the bed and waits for Oikawa at the stairs.

  
"Yeah, yeah, where's your owner anyway," Oikawa laments.

  
He stands up and doesn't bother putting on the sweats again. The loft is warm with sunlight and nobody's here apart from Inuyasha and Ushijima anyway.

  
Going down the stairs he smells heaven. Or at least what he imagines heaven to smell like Someone is cooking in the kitchen and it smells like bacon and scrambled eggs. Oikawa fastens his steps to get closer to the source of the mouthwatering smell.

  
Downstairs, he notices a crumbled blanket lying on the sofa and Ushijima standing in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Sweats are the only thing he's wearing.

  
While Oikawa has seen him completely naked already, he still has to stop in his tracks at the sight of the defined muscle of Ushijima's back. They flex and unflex with every movement of Ushijima's strong arms. Oikawa tries to compose himself.

  
Inuyasha walks up to his owner and nudges Ushijima's leg, drawing attention to himself.

  
"Did you wake him, my boy?," Ushijima asks in a cooing voice.  


Oikawa giggles at the childish tone. Ushijima notices him and turns around, frying pan in hand. The dining table is already set with plates and orange juice and delicious smelling coffee.

  
"Good morning, I hope you slept well," Ushijima greets him, putting bacon on the two plates. One last strip of bacon he puts on a smaller plate, letting it cool off on the counter, probably for Inuyasha to eat later.

  
"I slept fantastic," Oikawa admits while stretching his arms over his head. "Do you cook for all your sugar babes?"

  
He sits down at the table, reaching for the orange juice and pouring it into his glass. Ushijima leans down over him and kisses his temple before sitting down across from him.

  
"I do," he says, not meeting Oikawa's stare.  


There is actually no need to be jealous, Oikawa thinks, they both could do whatever they want after all, not being in a relationship and all that, but Oikawa has always been an extremely jealous person. Even as a pre-schooler he didn't like to share his playthings.

  
"I only have one, so yeah, I do this for all of them." Ushijima looks so, so smug when he says this. There is an amused little smile on his lips and Oikawa kicks his shin under the table. Ushijima looks up accusingly.

  
"I like my attention undivided," Oikawa mutters, pouting.

  
"It was just a joke, I'm sorry," Ushijima says, touching Oikawa's wrist with his free hand, in the other he's holding a cup of coffee.

  
"Go shopping with me to make up for it," Oikawa says, still pouting.

  
"You want me to go shopping with you?," Ushijima asks, his expression skeptical.

  
"Yeah, I want to go shopping with my sugar daddy, just like they do on those reality TV shows," Oikawa says and a smile brightens his features. "Or do you have other plans for today?"

  
Ushijima looks at him as if Oikawa just told him he would like to have Inuyasha for dinner. As much as Ushijima's face is able look shocked, at least.

  
"No," he says quickly, waking up from his trance, "I don't have any plans for today. If you want to go shopping, we can go shopping."

  
Inuyasha puts his head on Ushijima's lap and Ushijima reaches down with one hand to pet his ears. Oikawa smiles happily and resumes eating.

  
Before changing into his freshly-out-of-the-washer clothes from yesterday, he shoots Akaashi a text, letting him know he was still alive and about to go shopping, asking if he needed anything.

  
Akaashi's text back consist of an incredible amount of exclamation marks and the hint that he'd like a new pair of Nikes. Oikawa saves that in the back of his mind and gets ready.

  
Ushijima and him stand shoulder to shoulder in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing their teeth together. Ushijima wears a nice pair of pants, to Oikawa's surprise a pair of fashionable sneakers and a simple t-shirt. The situation is absurd but Oikawa can't find it in himself to care. He feels comfortable here, at ease even. Ushijima is nice company and why shouldn't Oikawa enjoy spending time with his sugar daddy. Especially when his sugar daddy is doting on him with food and other goods and also has the cutest dog ever.

 

* * *

 

 

The weather outside is nice, so they take Inuyasha with them. When Oikawa asks what kind of breed Inuyasha even is, Ushijima tells him he's a Great Pyrenees, a breed famous for being calm and intelligent.

  
Even though Oikawa doesn't know anything about cars, even he can tell that Ushijima's car must have cost a fortune and is very, very fast. Oikawa asks him if he could drive it sometime and Ushijima almost looks in pain but tells him yes anyway.

  
It's Saturday morning, accordingly the mall is pretty crowded but Ushijima and Oikawa stick close together to not get separated. Also, Inuyasha does his best to lead them through the crowd, the people making room for the giant animal.

  
"Is there somewhere you wanted to go to?," Ushijima asks.

  
Oikawa leads the way to the boutique he attacked Ushijima at, back then. He still needs new blue jeans and he makes Ushijima carry every pair he deems wearable and wants to try on. Patiently, Ushijima sits down in the arm chair near the fitting rooms to give his verdict every time Oikawa has another pair of pants on.

  
"Really, Oikawa, they all look good," Ushijima says in a strained voice.

  
"Maybe that's because you keep checking out my butt instead of paying attention to how they fit me," Oikawa pouts, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

  
Ushijima sighs, a little guilty, and searches through the pile of denim for the pair he thought Oikawa's bum looked best in.

  
"Here," he says when he finally finds them, "they looked best."

  
Oikawa tries them on again and decides to buy them. Only that Ushijima is buying. Without having to even ask, Ushijima pulls out his credit card and hands it over the cash register. At first it feels wrong, letting Ushijima pay for him but then again, that's what they're all about. Now that he has Ushijima, he doesn't really have to pay for anything anymore.

  
Over breakfast they cut the topic of money. Ushijima suggested giving Oikawa a check at the end of each month. Oikawa agreed. But it seems Ushijima has no problems with paying for things Oikawa wants, anyway. Oikawa is not gonna call him out on it, that much he was sure of.

  
They continue strolling around the mall, Oikawa trying on various clothing items and Ushijima silently paying for everything Oikawa throws at him. After every shop Ushijima gets a kiss on the cheek in thanks.

  
Sitting in a restaurant to get some lunch, with Inuyasha getting his own water to sip, Oikawa spots a guy he once was teammates with. While not being exactly friends, they still know each other well enough to say hi. Unfortunately, the guy notices him, too, and makes his way over to Ushijima's and his table.

  
After an awkward chit-chat he leaves again, Oikawa being a little too distant for him to stick around any longer.

  
"An ex-boyfriend?," Ushijima asks tentatively, shovelling fries into his mouth.

  
Oikawa shakes his head. "No, we once... had a lecture together. Not anymore, though."

  
Inuyasha stands up and makes his way over to Oikawa to put his head on his lap. Ushijima furrows his brows and watches him, not asking again.

 

 

They drive back to Ushijima's place, the trunk full with Oikawa's purchases. The ride home is quiet but not uncomfortably so, the radio plays softly in the background and Oikawa looks out the window, daydreaming. Today was a good day, he decides and searches for Ushijima's hand on the shift stick. They lace their fingers together as if they were a real couple.

 

 

They fuck on Ushijima's bed and shower together afterwards, a nice way to conclude the day. Oikawa throws himself onto the bed, sore in all the right places, and closes his eyes.

  
"I wish I had an apartment like this," he says. Ushijima, getting dressed at the foot of the bed, turns around to face him.

  
"You can come whenever you like," he offers.

  
Oikawa turns on his side, the sheets tangled between his bare legs.

  
"How can you be so rich and be home so often?," he asks curiously.

  
Ushijima puts his shirt back on, crawling up to Oikawa, pulling him to his chest.

  
"I'm not home often. I have to work Monday to Friday, sometimes weekends, too," he informs Oikawa while combing through his wet hair.

  
"What do you even do?," Oikawa asks.

  
"I'm a publicist. Among others for the male national volleyball team."

  
Oikawa waits, and waits, but Ushijima doesn't elaborate further. Not trusting his ears, or his brain in that matter, Oikawa looks up to stare at Ushijima blankly. Ushijima's face is neutral, Oikawa smacks his arm.

  
"And you're only telling me that, now? You asshole!," Oikawa shouts, picking up a pillow and smacking Ushijima again with it. "I love volleyball!"

  
Ushijima seems distraught, Inuyasha coming straight over to jump onto the bed, curious about the ruckus.

  
"You never asked," Ushijima says weakly, he relaxes when he sees Oikawa smiling.

  
"I played volleyball for more than 15 years, you know," Oikawa says, his smile falters a little. "But not anymore."

  
He feels Ushijima's fingers tracing the scar on his right knee. "I know. You were brilliant."

  
Oikawa looks at him with wide, shocked eyes. Unable to move, he lets Ushijima continue tracing his scar he got from the surgery after the accident.

  
"Some of our scouts wanted you for the team. I saw your name on their lists several times."

  
"You knew me?" Oikawa finally regains control over his body and scrambles away from Ushijima, pulling the sheets to cover himself up.

  
Ushijima raises both of his hands in a defensive gesture. Inuyasha starts whining, repeatedly pressing his paw to Ushijima's arm. If Ushijima actually knew him before coming to the restaurant, maybe just to fuck with him, Oikawa would leave right now. Maybe ruin his car for good measure.

  
"Let me explain, please. I should've started differently," Ushijima says, grinding his teeth together. Only because the distress on his face looks so real, Oikawa hasn't left, yet.

  
"You caught my eye in the restaurant. I was immediately extremely attracted to you and you seemed to be interested in me, too," Ushijima explains. "Only after you, um..."

  
"Sucked you off," Oikawa interrupts in a harsh tone. Inuyasha wimmers.

  
"Only after you told me your name I realized who you were. I knew your name but I never had a face to it," Ushijima inhales deeply. "I swear I didn't stalk you or hunt you down, or anything. It was coincidence, really."

  
Oikawa eyes him suspiciously, still a good foot away from Ushijima. Inuyasha starts barking. Ushijima tries to soothe him but he continues barking loudly.

  
"What's with him?," Oikawa asks, a little worried about the usually so laid-back dog.

  
"He's only doing his job, he'll stop in a moment," Ushijima says, continuing to pet and calm the suddenly wild dog.

  
"What? What are you even talking about," Oikawa says, coming closer to offer his assistance. Inuyasha sniffs his hands and lets Oikawa touch him.

  
"He's a service dog," Ushijima says and that information explains nothing and everything. Oikawa still looks at him with question marks written all over his face.

  
"Inuyasha is my service dog," Ushijima repeats, "I have him so he can calm me down when I get anxious. He's here to relieve my anxiety. He starts barking when my blood pressure gets too high."

  
For a moment Oikawa looks at Ushijima in disbelief and then everything falls into place. Inuyasha never leaves Ushijima's side, he probably even takes him to work with him. A lot of things make sense now. The scene at the food place in the mall pops up before Oikawa's inner eye. Seeing his ex-teammate made him anxious and Inuyasha immediately came over and put his head on Oikawa's thigh.

How many times has he helped Ushijima in Oikawa's presence without him ever noticing. How could he have missed this?

  
Inuyasha continues barking and Ushijima starts to breathe faster than normal. Oikawa suddenly realizes that it's because of him. Because Ushijima cares about him and he's scared Oikawa is upset with him, scared he disappointed Oikawa.

  
On all fours Oikawa crawls over to Ushijima, hugging him tightly. He rubs soothing circles into Ushijima's back, the way Iwa-chan sometimes did before important matches. Stabilizing one's autonomous nervous system is the best way to calm someone down. After a minute or so, Inuyasha stops barking and cuddles close to them instead.

  
"What happens when you get anxious," Oikawa asks quietly. Ushijima doesn't answer immediately.

  
"I get panic attacks. Sometimes I fall unconscious," he admits in a halfway steady voice.

  
They don't separate for a long time. Oikawa's head resting against Ushijima's chest and Ushijima's head resting on Oikawa's. Oikawa really hopes he's helping and not making it worse.

  
"I had a full scholarship," he says after a while. "But I overdid it because I wanted to be the best. I wanted to go to the Olympics and win. I got myself injured, of course. I had surgery and everything. Couldn't play after that. Lost my scholarship, started working at the restaurant instead. Now I live off of my sugar daddy's wallet." He presses his wobbly smile into Ushijima's shoulder. Ushijima exhales heavily. Oikawa can feel the tension slowly falling off of him. He believes Ushijima when he says he really didn't know him, that it really was coincidence when they met at Le Château.  


Eventually they let go of one another and focus on Inuyasha. The dog thoroughly enjoys the attention.

  
"Thank you," Ushijima says then. Oikawa really doesn't know what he's thanking him for.

 

* * *

 

 

After their little heart-to-heart, they both decide to have some alone-time to defuse the heavy tension that has built up between them. Ushijima offers Oikawa to drive him home and this time Oikawa lets him. The 20 minutes drive is quiet but comfortably so.  


When Ushijima pulls into the dorm's parking lot, they stay in the car for a little while longer. Headlights off, the only light in the car comes from the street lights, giving their faces a soft glow.

  
"Are you okay?," Ushijima asks.

  
"Yes, are you?"

  
"Yes."

  
One second they're looking at each other and the next they're making out almost wildly. With tongues and teeth and saliva and hands everywhere. When they part they laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.  
  
  
They're both busy during the week so they decide on meeting again on Friday.

  
With another smooch and quiet goodnights Oikawa gets out of the car.

 

* * *

 

 

Lying on his saggy mattress and staring at his blotchy ceiling, Oikawa realizes that this thing with Ushijima is heading in a direction Oikawa wouldn't have expected it to go only a few days ago. He's reluctant to give it a name.

Quite frankly, he's scared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm posting this chapter earlier than planned because I have been on a long train ride today and I annoyed the hell out of the other passengers with my typing but here we are!
> 
> Some wonderful, lovely people left some wonderful, lovely comments under my first chapter so I thought let's continue this thing even though it didn't meet a lot of people's expectations. I'm writing this mainly because I recently moved and still don't have internet at home. With nothing else to do, I decided to write a thing that's been in my head for quite some time now. It's fun. Right now, I'm sitting in my university's library and use the wifi there to upload this. Without a beta and without spell check, it's hard to tell whether or not this thing is any good.
> 
> So... tell me. Is this turning too angsty yet. Next chapter will be heading in the smutty direction (with a tinge of angst maybe) though. But can I even NOT write angst? The answer is yes. And no. I have problems with negations, I never understand whether I have to say yes or no. So, I don't know. I'm tired. Take this away from me. Pls be kind to me and give me some feedback, I'd love you forever.
> 
> You can also find me on [Tumblr](http://nevermind-bye.tumblr.com/) I love to talk about my favorite ships so feel free to contact me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://nevermind-bye.tumblr.com/) I'll say hi back!

Ushijima does not understand the concept of texting. While Oikawa was fairly charmed by his lack of technological knowledge at first, by now he often finds himself groaning when he receives yet another two seconds voice message with some rustling and questioning noises coming from Ushijima himself.

  
Oikawa and Akaashi are preparing dinner when Oikawa's phone beeps with the notification tone he specifically set for Ushijima some time ago. After their emotional moment together, Oikawa decided to finally give Ushijima his phone number. Not exclusively because some of their 'dates' had to be canceled because of either Ushijima's or Oikawa's jobs. Texting is convenient for setting up dates, that's the only reason. And while at first that was true, after some weeks Oikawa found that some time along the way they started texting even when their last 'date' has been only a day ago, or so.

  
**Ushiwaka 7:03 pm:** do you mean the flower at the bottom? at the right side of the display?

  
"You're smitten," Akaashi says while washing an eggplant for their salad under the drain, "Are you seeing someone new?"

  
**Me 7:04 pm** : what flower? do u mean the microphone? when u put ur finger on the microphone symbol ur recording a voice message, u know.

  
"I'm not smitten! I'm texting Ushiwaka-chan. He's so dumb, he keeps accidentally sending me voice messages," Oikawa chuckles while pressing play on one of those messages. Rustling, a bark, then silence. Akaashi chuckles.

  
"You are smitten, that dopey smile gives you away," Akaashi says, pointing at Oikawa with the dripping eggplant.

 

  
The worst part is that Akaashi isn't wrong. The thing with Ushijima, whatever it may be, has been going on for weeks, months, and Oikawa is getting comfortable with it. Too comfortable, even. Picking up less and less shifts at Le Chateau, Oikawa is getting lazy. And while he works maybe once or twice a week, he isn't spending his new-gained free time in his dorm. Mostly he's chilling at Ushijima's loft these days. Akaashi isn't too sad about his absence, though, having their shared flat for himself also bears advantages for him. Bokuto comes by quite often to keep him company.

  
And Oikawa has started to make himself at home at Ushijima's. After a few weeks of their arrangement, he started to bring things to the loft. His own toothbrush, for example. But also some nice pillows and vases and candles and pictures to hang on the bare walls. Sometimes Oikawa spends the night and for those times he bought some nice bedsheets to sleep under. Ushijima doesn't comment on it. Whenever he sees something new in his loft he just quietly smiles and gives Oikawa a kiss.

  
Ushijima leaves him space, even at his own home. The sex is fantastic and Ushijima stays for cuddling but as soon as Oikawa falls asleep, he moves to the couch for the night. Unsure if he should be bothered by it, Oikawa doesn't ask any questions. He suspects that Ushijima's behavior has something to do with the type of relationship they're having. Because they don't have one, do they. Sex is the main purpose of their arrangement. Can't build anything on sex alone, can you.

  
Admittedly, sex is not all they're doing. They go out for dinner and movies, they regularly go shopping, take walks with Inuyasha, drive around town purposelessly and once even went to the zoo after Oikawa watched a documentary about elephants and discovered his passion for the pachyderms. All couply things, only that they're not doing them as a couple. There is a distinct lack of hand holding or smooching (too often).

  
Oikawa wants to. He really does. But he doesn't because what if. What if Ushijima doesn't want to. They're twelve years apart in age. That's over a decade. While there certainly are more dramatic age gaps, their's is still notable, omni-present. Oikawa is a college student. Has no real income, no real home, no real life, yet. Ushijima is successful, has a dog, has a reputation. Oikawa is weirdly jealous, weirdly wary.

  
"Oikawa," Akaashi interrupts his thought process, "your phone is ringing."

  
It's Ushijima. Of course it is.

  
"What is it, Ushiwaka-chan?," Oikawa's voice is streaked with obvious fake-annoyance when he picks up his phone.

  
"I don't think my flower is working properly," Ushijima says and Oikawa can practically hear his frown through the phone. Oikawa can't help but try to suppress his laughter, Akaashi looks at him questionably and Oikawa puts Ushijima on speaker.

  
"What do you mean, Ushiwaka-chan?"

  
"My flower isn't working, I tap it but it doesn't record anything."

  
"I'll show you how to use your flower on Friday, okay?," Oikawa says as if talking to a child and Akaashi muffles his chuckle with both his hands. Oikawa told him about Ushijima's problem with voicemails, that he doesn't realize the flower is meant to be a microphone but to what extent his inability to use modern technology reaches, Akaashi couldn't have imagined.

  
"About that, I don't think I can make it Friday," Ushijima says. He's been busy at work recently, volleyball season is nearing and Ushijima's presence is demanded for all the important events. They haven't been able to see each other in two weeks because of it.

  
"Oh, okay," Oikawa says weakly, trying to not let his disappointment show on his face. Akaashi is watching him closely.

  
"I know you're working on Saturday but maybe you're free in the evening?," Ushijima's voice sounds hesitant, maybe a little hopeful. Oikawa presses one hand to his stomach to calm down the butterflies inside. They're not wanted, those butterflies can fuck off for all he cares.

  
"Sure I have the early shift, I could be there around six, maybe seven," Oikawa offers. Akaashi feigns not listening, keeping himself busy by cutting some vegetables. But Ushijima is still on speaker, so he's bound to listen.

  
"Good, that's... good," and after a moment, "I miss you, Tooru."

  
Oikawa's eyes immediately fall to Akaashi who drops his knife into the sink, turning around to face Oikawa, making some weird gestures that somehow tell Oikawa to say something back, anything at all.

  
"I miss you, too," and after a moment, "then again, maybe I'm only missing your bed and Inuyasha."

  
Akaashi's mouth falls open in shock or disbelief and he shakes his head at Oikawa, who mouths a silent 'what?' at his friend. Akaashi continues to shake his head, getting back to cutting vegetables.

  
"Inuyasha probably misses you, too," Ushijima chuckles lightly, "Should I pick you up from work?"

  
"I'll just take the bus, don't worry," Oikawa reassures, "See you then?"

  
"Yeah, okay. Good night, Tooru," Ushijima says and before Oikawa can say anything back, he hangs up.

  
Akaashi clicks his tongue at him, looking at him with one raised eyebrow.

  
"You gotta do something about that, Tooru. You gotta decide, he clearly-"

  
"Shut up," Oikawa says, not unfriendly. "Just. Shut up."

  
Akaashi sighs, concern all over his face. Oikawa turns his back to him, as he does to so many things.

 

* * *

 

 

The early shift on Saturday means old people getting quick lunch before leaving again just as quickly. Everything has to be quick, quick, quick. It's not as crowded as in the early evenings but the tempo is exhausting.

  
It's a sunny day and seeing Ushijima later is a nice prospect, Tooru is in a good mood.

  
Before serving the next table Oikawa goes to the staff room to get some water. It's one of the first nice spring days and the restaurant is a little stuffy.

  
"Oikawa, how about you get off your ass and do your god damn job? There are two tables waiting for you!"

  
Taking a quick sip from his water while leaning on the staff table, his manager walks in on Oikawa. He hears her before he sees her. As usual. Oikawa almost drops his bottle.

  
"I was just drinking some water, Ryouta-san," Oikawa says innocently.

  
"Yeah and if you're not doing that, you're checking your phone or daydream or powder your cute little nose," the manager has to look up to be able to look into Oikawa's eyes while talking to him but standing before him, now, she seems to be a foot taller than him instead.

  
Her presence alone fills the whole room. Oikawa has always envied her natural authority but by now he's just annoyed.

  
"Is there a problem, Ryouta-san?," Oikawa asks, standing taller.

  
"I don't know, is there? You're not taking as many shifts as before and you seem absent whenever you're working," Ryouta-san says, her eyes icy.

  
"You know, Ryouta. I'm tired of this job," Oikawa says, confident. And after a second of reconsidering, "I'm quitting."

  
Ryouta looks at him expectantly, as if she is expecting Oikawa to take back what he just said. Oikawa looks back just as defiant.

  
"You know, Oikawa. You're a guest magnet. People love you. I never really understood why, but they do. If you quit, a lot of people would be disappointed. If you quit, I would make sure that no other restaurant will ever hire you. So. Are you quitting?"

  
Oikawa is leaning on the table in the center of the staff room. He's sat at it at least a hundred times. With Suga-chan. With Tobio-chan. Lovely Kiyoko-chan. A guy called Yahaba. He liked that guy. They all left before him. Well, except for Tobio-chan. He can stay here till he turns old and grey, for all Oikawa cares.

  
"Yes," Oikawa says, smiling, "yes, I'm quitting. It feels like this chapter of my life should end now."

  
Ryouta-san is watching him with poison in her eyes.

  
"You think you're so much more than you actually are. I wish you well, Oikawa. Leave your apron." With a curd nod she turns and with quick steps she leaves Oikawa alone.

  
The clock shows almost six. Oikawa sighs, takes off his apron, and starts getting ready for his night shift.

 

* * *

 

 

"Ugh, my day was hell, Ushiwaka-chan," Oikawa whines and throws his arms around Ushijima's neck, sagging against him, trusting him to carry his whole weight.

  
"You're heavy, Tooru," Ushijima says but smiles, wrapping his arms around Oikawa to pull him inside. With the tip of his foot, he closes the front door. They stand in the foyer, hugging, Inuyasha excitedly jumping up and down around them.

  
"Mhhh, you're still wearing your business attire. Sexy," Oikawa murmurs into Ushijima's collarbone.

  
Ushijima half-carries, half-drags him to the couch, sitting himself down with Oikawa still clinging to him. Inuyasha feels neglected and jumps onto the new, cream-colored cushions, as well.

  
"You're in a mood," Ushijima says, stroking Oikawa's hair gently.

  
"I'm miserable! I finally quit my job," Oikawa drawls, getting sleepy already. Ushijima has that effect on him. Or the atmosphere of Ushijima's home, at least.

  
"Oh, that's good, isn't it? You hated it," Ushijima humors him. He faintly smells like sweat. Or like hard work. Maybe both.

  
"But I've worked there for so long! I'm unemployed now! I'm useless to the economy," Oikawa wails dramatically. The single purpose of this is to get Ushijima trying to soothe him, to calm him down, leading up to sweet, comforting sex.

  
"Oikawa, you're being dramatic," Ushijima says, mild annoyance lacing his voice. Oikawa picks up on it and presses a deliberate kiss to Ushijima's mouth. That usually manages to make up for Oikawa's difficult behavior.

  
"Tell me about all the things you like about me to lighten my mood," Oikawa says against Ushijima's mouth. Ushijima pecks his lips a couple of times before pulling back a few inches. There are dark circles under his eyes and he looks exhausted somehow.

  
"You're annoying in a cute way," he says, biting his lip to keep himself from grinning.

  
"Hey! Mean, Ushiwaka-chan," Oikawa pouts and smacks him lightly on the shoulder before leaning in again. Kisses like these took Oikawa some time to get used to, kissing only for the purpose of kissing. Not to lead up to anything, only mouth on mouth, lips on lips.

  
"You have very nice skin," and as if to underline his statement, Ushijima kisses the underside of Oikawa's chin, all the way down to his collarbones. It has shown several times already, Ushijima's obsession with Oikawa's skin. Pointing out how much Oikawa cares for it but never making fun of it. He loves when Oikawa buys new lotions to put on, loving it the most when Oikawa puts lotion on his freshly shaved legs.

  
"My skin, huh," Oikawa says, a little breathless, a little lost for words. He wasn't expecting Ushijima to actually play along with Oikawa's antics, although he admittedly usually indulges him.

  
"It's very soft and very smooth, pale but not ghostly so," Ushijima nibs at his throat, "and when you blush it looks like spring on your skin. Very beautiful."

  
Oikawa really doesn't know what to say. What could you possibly reply to such an overwhelmingly sweet compliment. He kisses him. Whether it's in thanks or to stall for time, Oikawa doesn't know. He doesn't know anything.

  
Pulling back, he takes Ushijima's big hands in both of his. The contrast between their skin tones and bone structures is starkly apparent like this. Ushijima lets Oikawa cradle his hand, nudge every finger, brush over every knuckle. It's disarming.

  
"I like your hands," Oikawa whispers, not looking at Ushijima. He definitely wouldn't be able to do this if he was looking at Ushijima.

  
"They're sturdy and strong. They were one of the first things I noticed about you," Oikawa takes in a breath. "I wondered how they could be calloused when you obviously have a desk job. But I liked the secret, I liked imagining possible reasons."

  
Oikawa then looks at him only to find him already looking back at Oikawa.

  
"I love gardening. They're calloused because I take care of my plants myself," Ushijima explains, quietly, playing with Oikawa's slender fingers.

  
"Gardening," Oikawa repeats mindlessly. They kiss.

Ushijima's phone starts ringing and Ushijima has to separate from Oikawa to take the call. Oikawa is biting his lips, regret all over his minds. Regret, regret, regret. He made himself too vulnerable and he wants to take back every word he said and he wants to say them again and again and again.

  
"Hello?," Ushijima's business voice is slightly darker than his normal voice and Oikawa likes and fears the ring of it.

  
"What? Now? I just got home." That doesn't sound too good. Oikawa settles at the other end of the couch, knees pulled to his chest.

  
"Okay, I will take care of it, give me twenty minutes to get there." Ushijima hangs up and hangs his head. Rubbing his eyes with the palms of those sturdy hands. He looks more like a shadow of the man Oikawa first met at the restaurant.

  
"You have to go back to the office," Oikawa states, not even having to ask. Ushijima sits up again, reaching over to briefly pat Oikawa's knee, then standing up, getting his jacket.

  
"Yes, there still are some problems regarding an interview with the team next week. One of the players refuses to take part in it. I have to talk to him," Ushijima explains while getting dressed again, he throws an apologetic look over his shoulder, "I'm sorry, I know I didn't have time for you the last couple of weeks. Should I drive you home?"

  
Oikawa is still gnawing on his lip.

  
"Do you want me to leave?"

  
"No, no, you can stay if you want, I just don't know how long it will take," Ushijima reties his tie, looking at himself in the mirror next to the coat rack.

  
"I'll wait, if that's alright with you," Oikawa says, looking over the couch's headrest to be able to see Ushijima.

  
"Sure, see you later then," he opens the door, takes his coat and leaves.

  
"Bye bye, Ushiwaka-chan," Oikawa murmurs, well-aware that Ushijima can't possibly have heard him.

  
Laying down on the couch, he lets his hand dangle in the air. Inuyasha walks over and licks his palm, trying his best to comfort him. Maybe Ushijima should've taken the dog with him.

  
Oikawa finds himself more and more often worrying about Ushijima. Inuyasha basically never leaves his side anymore, constantly trying to help him, to calm him down. This can't be normal, can't be okay. While Oikawa doesn't know too much about Ushijima's condition, he still can't believe that this constant stress does any good to him or his anxiety. But what could he possibly say? _Ushiwaka-chan, lay back a bit? Quit your job? Only ever spend time with me?_  Is his job the sole cause for his stress or is there something else Ushijima doesn't tell him about? Oikawa couldn't actually ask that, of course, he really couldn't. Oikawa has no right to tell Ushijima how to live his life. As a boyfriend he wouldn't have the right and even less as his _sugar babe_.

  
"What can I do, Inuyasha? How can I help our daddy to relax?," Oikawa coos at the fluffy dog. Inuyasha jumps onto the sofa, lying down next to Oikawa, wagging his tail unhelpfully.

 

* * *

 

 

It's really late when Oikawa hears the front door opening. The lights are all dimmed, every single candle Oikawa has ever brought to the loft over time is lit, casting a soft light and even softer shadows, and tinting the whole apartment in a warm sunset orange.

  
"Oikawa?," he hears Ushijima's tired voice. Not answering, Oikawa puts his head on his hands, waiting patiently for Ushijima to find him outside. He purposely left the balcony door open a few inches to give Ushijima a hint for his whereabouts.

  
There are no candles on the balcony, the city lights and the moon are spending enough light to be able to see everything that needs to be seen.

  
Oikawa hears heavy steps getting closer and then the balcony door is opened wider and there stands Ushijima in the threshold, looking around before finally turning his head to the right.

  
"Welcome home, honey."

  
Oikawa's sitting naked in the Jacuzzi, a bottle of wine with two glasses standing on the edge of the Jacuzzi, waiting to be opened. The water is warm around him, relaxing his muscles, and the bubbles are massaging all the tension in his muscles away. He leans seductively over the edge, looking at Ushijima with hooded eyes and slightly parted, moist lips. The soft moonlight letting his glistering skin appear like shiny, white marble.

  
Ushijima looks at him with wide eyes, speechless. Still wearing his jacket and shoes and everything, Oikawa feels a little exposed but not in a bad way, more like a siren trying to lull in a defenseless sailor to sleep with him.

  
"Are you going to stand there all night long?"

  
Ushijima blinks a couple of times and gets rid of his coat before striding over to Oikawa. His eyes are still wide in surprise or shock, maybe both, but he leans down, cradling Oikawa's face in both of his hands and kissing him long and sweet.

  
"Would you like to join me?," Oikawa asks innocently. Ushijima nods and starts to undress. Oikawa rises from the water, demonstrating his nakedness, his intentions, and gently brushes Ushijima's hands away.

  
"Let me," he says and starts unbuttoning Ushijima's dress shirt. With every opened button Ushijima gets a kiss. To his sternum, to his throat, to his pectorals, to his lips. The shirt falls to the ground, forgotten, and Oikawa undoes Ushijima's belt and fly. Black boxers underneath, as always. The wind feels chilly on Oikawa's wet skin, chasing goose bumps all the way down his back.

  
Ushijima's hands find Oikawa's neck, his cheeks, his chest. The pants are gone and Ushijima stands before him only in his boxers, half hard. With a little show Oikawa slowly pulls them down, his fingertips raking down Ushijima's butt cheeks, probably leaving long, red lines on the beautifully tan skin. Kneading the back of Ushijima's hard, muscled thighs, Oikawa nuzzles Ushijima's dark happy trail, all the way down to his groin, stopping shortly above his flushed cock.

  
Taking Oikawa's hand, Ushijima lets himself be pulled down next to him, immediately reaching for Oikawa to pull him into his lap, the both of them melting into one in the bubbly water that sloshes around them, embracing them with its warmth. In this soft light, Ushijima's facial features are nearly washed out. Only his hungry eyes and his parted, well-kissed lips stand out. Maybe Oikawa is merely imagining it.

  
"You have two options, Wakatoshi," Oikawa speaks against Ushijima's temple. "One, we relax, drink some wine, soak in the water before going to bed and getting a good night's sleep, and two. We relax, drink some wine and you fuck me in the Jacuzzi until I can only shout your name and you mine."

  
Ushijima's hands wander down from Oikawa's hips to his ass, taking both cheeks in both his hands, and squeezes. On the other side of the Jacuzzi stands a small bottle of scentless lube, shamelessly flirting with Ushijima.

  
"I appreciate the sentiment, really, but don't condoms break easily in water," Ushijima says softly, his voice sounding pained. His erection brushes against Oikawa's and Oikawa starts grinding down slowly. Moving his hips in slow, deliberate circles.

  
"Good thing I checked your mail when you were gone working," Oikawa says, slowly licking a stripe up Ushijima's neck. His throat bobs under Oikawa's tongue. "Our results are in. We're both clean. No condoms needed anymore."

  
Ushijima swallows hard, getting harder, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them again, looking up at Oikawa as if he could barely restrain himself from taking Oikawa right now, just like this.

  
"Is that," _swallow_ , "okay with you? I mean. Without a condom?" Oikawa strokes Ushijima's cheekbone tenderly, smugly smiling down at him. He likes the position they're in, sitting in Ushijima's lap. Oikawa feels in control like this.

  
"When I jack off in the shower, quietly, so my roommate doesn't hear me, I like to pretend the water running down my thighs is your come leaking out of me. I get so hot only thinking about having your come inside me, feeling you shoot it up my ass, the warmth afterwards. _God,_ I really want your come leaking out of me," Oikawa sighs against Ushijima's lips, "so yes, that is very okay with me."

  
A low groan erupts from Ushijima, probably without intention, and he starts stroking a finger up and down Oikawa's crack. The kiss he gives Oikawa is hard, passionate, nothing like Ushijima's usual kisses. It's more than erotic. One hand still brushing over Oikawa's hole, the other settles on Oikawa's neck, pulling him in, deepening their kiss. Ushijima's tongue caresses Oikawa's, he sucks on it, _abuses_ it. Oikawa is willing to go along with Ushijima's every move.

  
When Ushijima is done fucking Oikawa's mouth and Oikawa's hands pull desperately on Ushijima's hair, Ushijima grabs the bottle of lube. Opening it, he pours a generous amount into his palm to coat all his fingers. The un-lubed hand stops Oikawa from wantonly humping Ushijima's thigh, the other slowly inches closer to Oikawa's hole.

  
"You have already played with yourself," Ushijima moans, mouthing Oikawa's cheekbone.

  
"I couldn't wait," Oikawa sighs. "But your fingers are so much thicker than mine. Only you could prepare me properly for your cock."

  
One finger slips inside easily. Pumping in and out and in and out. Oikawa can't help but let his eyes slip closed at the sensation. His own fingers are nice, he knows how to work them to find release, but Ushijima's thick fingers inside of him, his mouth on him, his hand kneading his ass sensually, that's pure bliss.

  
Ushijima's every move is unpredictable, sweet surprises that make Oikawa gasp and writhe and moan for more.

  
"More?" Ushijima asks innocently. His voice is breathy and bordering on panting.

  
Oikawa feels so, so sexy. Ushijima is desperate to touch Oikawa, his mouth never leaving Oikawa's wet skin, his free hand roaming over the expanse of Oikawa's body. His mind is clouded by Ushijima's deep groans and dirty moans that match his own high keens and mumbled nonsense. The sounds of their insatiable bodies moving together combined with the smacking noises of every kiss they lay on each other, create an atmosphere that is almost filthy. Oikawa feels filthy. And he loves it.

  
Two fingers in and Ushijima has to work them a little to get them in to the second knuckle. The sweet burn of the stretch causes Oikawa to hiss. In moderate pain. In great relish. Both.

  
Oikawa starts fucking himself on Ushijima's fingers, giving him a show, rotating his hips, bouncing up and down, letting the soft flesh of his ass slap onto Ushijima's firm thighs. Ushijima loves watching Oikawa having fun. Oikawa loves seeing Ushijima enjoying himself.

  
"C'mon, I want you," Oikawa says, pulling off of Ushijima's fingers, raising himself up from Ushijima's lap and leaning against the other side of the pool. The water is running down his body as he stands up, his erect cock springs free. He turns around, slowly, one hand running through his own hair, his eyes never leaving Ushijima's face. He leans over the edge of the pool, supporting himself on his forearms, spreading his legs, shamelessly presenting his wet, prepared hole. The water reaches to his thighs, his ass in the air.

  
"I want you, Wakatoshi," Oikawa drawls, wiggling his butt sensually, watching Ushijima's hungry eyes from over his shoulder.

  
Ushijima takes in the sight of him for a moment, shaking his head slightly, in disbelief maybe, in pure want probably. Then he rises and makes his way to Oikawa, who is waiting for him, thirsting for him. At the first touch Oikawa shudders.

  
One of Ushijima's big hands wanders from Oikawa's neck down to his ass, cupping it gently. When he leans over Oikawa from behind, his hard cock glides between Oikawa's spread thighs, smearing his precome on the thin patch of skin between Oikawa's balls and hole. The tip of Ushijima's dick nudges Oikawa's balls, when Ushijima presses a kiss behind Oikawa's ear. A moan escapes them both at the same time. Ushijima chuckles against Oikawa's neck and Oikawa bows his head, giggling himself.

  
"How about one more finger and then I can fuck you without holding back," Ushijima whispers into Oikawa's ear, his lips brushing Oikawa's shell with every word.

  
"I dare you to hold back, this was my dream from the beginning, okay," Oikawa says. "Even though the curious neighbor watching us is missing."

  
"Naughty," Ushijima says, pleased.

  
"That's me- _oh_ ," Oikawa inhales sharply as Ushijima pushes two fingers into him. At first his thrusts are slow, tentative, but he speeds up when he notices how loose Oikawa already is. Taking some more lube, he makes sure to spread it all the way to Oikawa's prostate. The deep, long moan that escapes Oikawa is accompanied by a happy smile.

  
"I'm ready, c'mon, Waka-chan, fuck me." Oikawa says, "fuck me, _daddy_ ," and pushes his hips back against Ushijima's fingers invitingly. He hears a small gasp but Ushijima composes himself again rather quickly.

  
Ushijima settles one hand on Oikawa's lower back, kissing his neck three more times before placing his other hand on Oikawa's hip. Ushijima takes a deep breath and lines his shaft with Oikawa's entrance. Nudging it, creating pleasant anticipation, easing the head inside and pulling out again, eliciting soft groans from both of them.

  
"Don't tease," Oikawa says but Ushijima can hear the smile in his voice.

  
"I can't but you can," Ushijima remarks, spreading his fingers across Oikawa's lower back.

  
"Yes," it's more of a hiss. Ushijima pushes half of his cock inside, causing Oikawa to arch his back, partly because he loves the burn, partly because he knows how irresistible he looks when he raises his ass in the air like this.

  
Ushijima pushes in all the way and Oikawa is full, filled to the brink, filled with satisfaction.

  
" _Welcome home, honey_ ," Oikawa repeats quietly, still trying to labor his breath, getting used to Ushijima being fully inside of him.

  
"You're unbelievable," Ushijima laughs, not daring to move yet. He's come prematurely once before, in their first month. Oikawa couldn't stop laughing that evening. Ushijima got his revenge by making him come in his pants before he had to leave for class the next morning.

  
Oikawa manages to stabilize his breathing, nodding his head before Ushijima starts pulling out again. Oikawa's hips follow him instinctively but Ushijima keeps him still by the hip before pushing in again, with a little more force this time. His thrusts are slow and deep, just how Oikawa likes them. They both love starting out languidly, like they have all the time in the world, like they are the only people in the world, like all the places their skin touch _is_ the entire world.

  
Picking up the pace, Oikawa has a harder time supporting himself on his arms, the water splashing around them. The moist skin that is exposed to the wind is clad in goosebumps, but maybe it's not the wind at all.

  
Ushijima's thrusts speed up and Oikawa meets him halfway each time, pressing back against Ushijima, urging him deeper, deeper, demanding to be taken harder, harder. He has trouble keeping his eyes open, squeezes them shut in pleasure whenever Ushijima grazes his prostate. And Ushijima knows how to keep Oikawa on edge, sometimes stopping buried deep inside Oikawa to mouth at his shoulders or his neck, sometimes biting his skin softly, tugging on his earlobe, panting against Oikawa's temple.

  
"God, Tooru, you're so good," Ushijima praises.

  
"Take what you need, honey," Oikawa breathes. And they both take and they both give.

  
His ass slaps against Ushijima's hips in a fast rhythm, his dripping cock keeps hitting against his own stomach, achingly close to release. He wants to come untouched, Oikawa decides, just from Ushijima fucking him.

  
Ushijima's right hand glides over Oikawa's stomach, his ring finger dipping into his navel before making its way upwards over Oikawa's rib cage, caressing every rib, then finding its way to one of Oikawa's nipples. He pinches it gently between his ring and middle finger, playing with it. If they were in a different position he would surely suck on it, Ushijima has always had a fascination with his nipples. And his legs. And his skin. His hair. He also likes sucking on his fingers a lot. And Oikawa lets him, wants him to, always and at all times.

  
"I'm close," Ushijima says hoarsely, "do you really want-"

  
" _Yes_ ," Oikawa says, "come inside, daddy."

  
Ushijima's hand wanders lower, stroking Oikawa's pelvis muscle with his thumb, then getting lower still, massaging Oikawa's balls tenderly. They've had sex enough times for Ushijima to know when Oikawa wants to come from his dick alone, so he doesn't even try touching Oikawa's deep red, swollen cock.

  
With Ushijima's increasing speed, the soft ripples breaking on Oikawa's legs become waves, rolling over the edge of the Jacuzzi, splashing onto the ground where the wine sits abandoned.

  
" _Tooru_ ," Ushijima moans against his hair.

  
Oikawa has trouble standing up, his knees are getting weaker with every thrust, his arm muscles are sore already from supporting most of his weight.

  
"Wakatoshi, fill me up, c'mon, I want your come," Oikawa can't stop himself from babbling when he's close to release. "Wakatoshi, _please_."

  
And when Ushijima bites his shoulder, breaking skin, Oikawa almost screams, and comes hard, shooting his come into the water, just how he planned to do.

  
In the aftershocks of his orgasm, Ushijima's steady thrusts are almost too much but he revels in the overstimulation.

  
Ushijima's deep groans fill Oikawa's ears and he can't possibly imagine sweeter sounds. Ushijima soothingly strokes over Oikawa's back, his fingertips leaving light lines on Oikawa's reddened skin. Up and down, in and almost out, up and down, in and almost out and then he comes, hard, deep inside of Oikawa. He can feel the pulsing of Ushijima's cock inside, filling Oikawa with his come, and he could get hard from this feeling alone again if he weren't so exhausted.

  
Oikawa rides him through his orgasm with his remaining strength. Rolling his hips against Ushijima's. Ushijima stops and leans over Oikawa, still buried inside him, to kiss him tenderly on the lips. It's difficult with the position they're in but they both crave it, so they manage.

  
Oikawa closes his eyes and just feels. Full and satisfied and happy, Ushijima connected to him, they kiss. Ushijima pulls out slowly and turns Oikawa around in his arms so they can deepen the kiss. Oikawa runs his hands through Ushijima's tussled hair, sagging against him bonelessly. Ushijima supports him, never stops kissing him, with tongue and teeth and lust. And lust and want and passion and Oikawa is tired but he realizes something and he knows now.

  
Ushijima puts one finger back inside, Oikawa whimpering at the feeling. Making soothing noises and kissing Oikawa under both eyes twice, he digs out his own come. Oikawa feels like sucking it off his fingers but can't control his breathing enough to form the words.

  
And then he lets Ushijima carry him upstairs, lets him clean him up, lets him tuck him in and when Ushijima turns to go downstairs to sleep on the couch, Oikawa tugs on his hand and pulls him down to lie next to him, cuddles up to him and kisses his neck and collarbone and he sleeps and they sleep and it's something more now and they both know it.

 

* * *

 

 

Oikawa is about to graduate. Graduation day is getting closer and closer and at first Oikawa was scared but now he isn't. He has nothing to be scared of, really. With Ushijima's generous "pay checks" he has enough money saved up for the worst case scenario: not finding a job immediately after finishing college. He wants to work at _Volleyball Weekly_ , a volleyball magazine located in this town. He's been reading the magazine ever since he first moved here and deeply wishes to be part of the team. But just to be safe, Oikawa applied to several other firms, as well, even at a local TV station after Akaashi's and Iwa-chan's insistence. The chances of actually getting the job are considerably low but who knows. Oikawa is a hard-working student, always cramping deep into the night for the smallest tests and essays. He's dedicated and Ushijima respects that. They can't meet up too often during finals season but they text and call regularly.

  
On the weekends, Oikawa visits him and often brings his study materials. Ushijima doesn't mind and gives him space whenever Oikawa needs it.

  
Their relationship has changed. In that sense even that Oikawa thinks of it as a relationship instead of an affair. Seven months. They've been seeing each other for seven months. While that is not exactly long it still is _something_. And Oikawa is happy. But.

  
At the end of the month Ushijima always gives him a check. Payment. _For his services_. It's not that Oikawa feels lesser because of it but he can't look Ushijima in the eyes when he takes the check. And neither can Ushijima. Akaashi says they need to talk about it.

  
They need to talk about how Oikawa is still paying hospital bills from his surgery and how he'll soon has to pay back student loans. They need to talk about how Oikawa will be in dept for a long, long time, no matter what. Ushijima could pay for it, would probably gladly pay for it, Oikawa would only have to ask, but even then Oikawa would still be in debt. He would owe Ushijima and the thought alone causes him to feel nauseous.

  
They need to talk about all that, but Oikawa doesn't want to. Because addressing the problem means finding a solution. And Oikawa can only think of one. He really, really doesn't like it, though. So he simply keeps his mouth shut.

* * *

 

 

"Ai, you promised me," Ushijima says. He's on the phone with who Oikawa presumes to be his sister. "No, it's okay, I understand. Yes. Maybe I will. Stop it, Ai, I said maybe. Yes, okay. I miss you, too. Say hello to Yukiteru for me. Okay, goodbye."

  
Ushijima has dark circles under his eyes again. Time flies and volleyball season is almost over which only means additional stress for Ushijima. Oikawa is lounging on the couch, watching a movie with one eye and Ushijima with the other. Worry is written all over his face but Ushijima is too stressed out to notice.

  
"What's wrong?," Oikawa eventually asks. Ushijima joins him on the couch, they're both wearing sweats and old shirts to suit the lazy mood.

  
"Tomorrow are the _Volleyball Commitment Awards_ , as you probably know," Oikawa rolls his eyes at that, of course he knows. "My sister wanted to accompany me but she says she's too busy with wedding stuff."

  
"Wait," Oikawa says, suddenly sitting up. "Are you telling me you're invited to the VCAs? Are you fucking kidding me?" Oikawa climbs over pillows and blankets to straddle Ushijima, grabbing his face with both hands, getting so close their noses are touching, his eyes intense.

  
"I'm coming with you. You have a plus one, I'm gonna be your plus one." It sounds like a threat and it probably is.

  
"Okay, yeah. Okay," Ushijima stammers, encircling Oikawa's wrists with his own hands to pry them off of his face.

  
"YES," Oikawa hoots happily and smooches Ushijima once on the lips. He falls back onto the pillows and blankets, happy smile plastered on his face.

  
Ushijima pulls Oikawa's legs over his lap, massaging his calves. They went running together this morning and Oikawa only then noticed how utterly out of shape he was. He doesn't necessarily enjoy running, but it's a good way of staying fit. And now he's sore and refuses to acknowledge it. Ushijima probably knows anyway and therefore massages his calves with practiced hands.

  
"So your sister is getting married?," Oikawa asks, eyes on the flatscreen.

  
"Yeah. Her first boyfriend. They've been together for ten years already, fell in love in high school," Ushijima says, smiling to himself.

  
"Wow, that's cute," Oikawa says. He doesn't even know how old Ushijima's sister is or if he has more than one sibling.

  
"I guess it is," Ushijima says, also watching TV without actually watching.

  
"Is that... something you would want?," Oikawa asks tentatively. "Getting married, I mean."

  
Ushijima shoots him a curious look Oikawa does not meet.

  
"Sure. Someday."

  
_Someday_ , he says. Oikawa wants to know more, talk about it more. Someday could mean anything. _Yes, I'd like to get married someday, after this is over. Someday when I find someone I really want to be serious with. Someday when you are still working off your debt and I'm the king of volleyball. Someday, sure, but not you._

  
It's not that Oikawa wants to get married now. Or to Ushijima. Or at all. He would just like the possibility of it. The possibility of Ushijima being part of his future. But he knows how it really is. They have an expiration date and it's getting closer and closer and closer. Oikawa feels like running.

 

* * *

 

 

They went shopping for suits. Ushijima actually intended to wear the same suit he always wore to such occasions but Oikawa insisted on Ushijima buying them both new ones. Matching ones. Oikawa's in marine blue, white shirt, gray bow tie. Ushijima's in gray, white shirt, marine blue tie. They even bought a matching bow tie for Inuyasha who is also tacking along. Of course Inuyasha has to come, too. Ushijima considered not bringing Inuyasha but Oikawa wasn't having any of it.

  
Oikawa makes Ushijima stand next to him in front of the mirror in the bathroom, to see if they look good together. There will be photographers, there will be an actual red carpet they both have to walk down on, there will be reporters asking them questions. Ushijima is an important man in the field and Oikawa is his date. There will definitely be questions and the least Oikawa wants is to look good together.

  
"Okay?," Ushijima says, after refusing to practice poses in the mirror.

  
"Okay," Oikawa nods, satisfied.

  
They look perfect together.

 

 

Oikawa was hoping for a stretch limo to pick them up but Ushijima patiently enlightens him that it is a small awards show, not the Oscars, and that he was a publicist, not Beyoncé, and that they have to drive there by themselves. The first five minutes of the car ride Oikawa spends pouting, after that he's too anxious to keep up the facade.

  
Oikawa's hands are fidgeting and he's a little nervous. He doesn't know what to expect and he's glad Ushijima will be at his side the whole evening. He's glad they're doing this. Together.

  
"Don't be nervous," Ushijima says, squeezing his hands lightly with one of his.

  
"Am not," Oikawa says nervously.

  
"Just have fun. Drinks and food are free," Ushijima gives him an encouraging little smile.

  
" _Yay_."

 

 

There are lots of people. Lots of important looking people. Oikawa feels stylish in his marine ensemble, though, and is proud of Ushijima for going along with his fashion choice. He's comfortable. And his hands are sweaty.

  
A guy takes Ushijima's keys to park his car and Oikawa uses the time to look around, Inuyasha's leash loosely hanging from his wrist as he waits for Ushijima to take it from him. There is indeed a red carpet and there are indeed photographers. There are also bright headlights and security men. Oikawa belongs here. Right in the spotlight. He straightens his back and puts his easy smile on.

  
"Ready?;" Ushijima asks, approaching him from behind and patting him on the back before taking Inuyasha's leash.

  
"Absolutely," Oikawa beams. Ushijima kisses his temple and takes his hand.

 

 

After only a few moments of waiting, a woman approaches them, directing them to pose for the photographers now and Oikawa braces himself. Inuyasha licks his hand.

  
Ushijima leads him towards the right spot, turning 90 degrees to face the cameras when they reach the center of the red carpet. Oikawa mimics him and is immediately blinded by the lights. His smile doesn't falter, though. Never falters.

  
He turns his head this way and that, cocking his hip, putting his hand on his waist, in his pants pocket, never letting go of Ushijima's hand, though. It's his anchor. Inuyasha is unimpressed and simply lies down at their feet, eyes closed.

  
After the first hundred or so clicks of the cameras, Oikawa turns his face to briefly look at Ushijima only to find him already looking at him. One corner of his mouth is raised in a crooked smile. Oikawa smiles back.

  
Ushijima leans down, pressing a kiss to his hair, softly whispering: "Enjoy yourself."

  
"KISS!" Someone shouts. There are several more shouts and Oikawa beams up at Ushijima, he loves a good show. In the end Ushijima indulges Oikawa once again and leans down to kiss him chastely on the lips. Oikawa smiles into the kiss before pulling back and shooting the cameras another brilliant smile.

  
Then Ushijima pulls on his hand, ushering him away from the cameras. Oikawa hopes to find his face on the internet after this, if not he'd be severely disappointed. 

 

 

Ushijima gives two short interviews and then, hand in hand, they enter the main event.

  
The hall is extravagantly decorated and gives room for at least twenty round tables dressed in white table clothes, with huge candle holders in the middle. The light is dimmed and the air smells like old velvet, like old money. In the far back, Oikawa spots a few buffet tables and a bar. The stage is not yet lit but the sheer number of floodlights on the ceiling promises a spectacular light show.

  
"We're table six," Ushijima whispers and gently tugs on Oikawa's hand to lead him in the right direction.

  
"Wait," Oikawa says, "we'll be sitting with your colleagues, right?" Ushijima nods. "What am I going to introduce myself as?"

  
"You just say who you are," Ushijima's voice is light and he leans down to brush a soft kiss to Oikawa's brow.

 

They are the last people sitting down. It's a table of six. Two old men with their wives. Or dates. They could be their daughters, really. But who is Oikawa to talk.

  
One of the men stands up upon seeing Ushijima.

  
"Ushijima-san, I'm so glad you could make it," he says in greeting, shaking Ushijima's hand.

  
"Well, Fujiwara-san, you were very persuasive," Ushijima smiles politely. Oikawa remembers the name, Ushijima has told him about the man some weeks ago. While preparing dinner he ranted about how old-fashioned Fujiwara-san's ideas were.

  
"And you must be Ushijima-san's husband? Boyfriend?," Fujiwara turns to Oikawa, also taking his hand in a firm shake. Oikawa smiles at him sweetly. The elder man eyes him from head to toe. His eyes interested. _Ew_ , Oikawa briefly thinks.

  
"Actually, he's my sugar daddy. Oikawa Tooru, it's pleasure to meet you," Oikawa says. He hears Ushijima draw in a sharp breath before he covers his laughter with a slightly fake-sounding cough after seeing the look on Fujiwara's face.

  
"You too, Oikawa-san, you too. Well, let's sit down," Fujiwara says and sits down. They get introduced to the rest of the table before sitting down, as well.

  
Oikawa feels a hand squeezing his thigh and Ushijima leans down to whisper something in his ear. "You're unbelievable."

  
"You wouldn't like me if I were boring," Oikawa whispers back and they share a quiet chuckle. Oikawa covers Ushijima's hand with his own.

 

 

The show is what Oikawa considers to be relatively blunt. Most speeches are rather boring and way too long. Still, Oikawa enjoys himself greatly. The entire national volleyball team is present, as well as some famous TV personalities. The two last awards are what Oikawa considers to be the most exciting and important ones. Player of the year and the actual commitment award.

  
"And the award for player of the year goes to...," the nicely dressed woman on stage opens a golden envelop, "Kuroo Tetsurou, congratulations!"

  
Kuroo Tetsurou is one of Oikawa's favorite volleyball players. He's the team captain and the first outspokenly gay volleyball player. Oikawa claps enthusiastically as the tall man stands up from one of the tables in the first row, only to lean down again to softly kiss his fiancé, not caring for the cameras.

  
Jealous. Oikawa is jealous. Kuroo and him are roughly the same age and Kuroo has it all. Volleyball captain, engaged to his childhood friend, and now volleyball player of the year. He's living Oikawa's dream without even knowing it.

  
"First and foremost, I'd like to thank my team for always having my back. I love you guys, no homo, though. Also thank you to my lovely date, Kenma, I love you, kitten. Full homo. I wouldn't be here without you. Thank you to my managers Hitoka-san and Hana-san and our publicists, Ushijima and Moniwa..."

  
After that Oikawa drones out. He knows it's petty. To be jealous of a guy like that. But he can't help it. Ushijima's hand touching his knee brings him back to reality. Remembering where he is, Oikawa puts the smile back on.

  
"And now we come to the last award of the evening. The commitment award for extraordinary work in the field."

  
Oikawa briefly remembers Ushijima telling him that Fujiwara has won it two years in a row and that it's most likely he would win it again this year. Fujiwara seems to agree, fixing his jacket and sitting up straighter. Oikawa rolls his eyes at him.

  
"...Ushijima Wakatoshi!"

  
Oikawa looks up, shocked, and so does Ushijima. Inuyasha nudges his owner's leg and Oikawa hastily takes the leash from him. Ushijima looks at him with wide, confused eyes. He seems genuinely surprised.

  
"Go, Ushiwaka, _go_ ," Oikawa hisses when after several moments of applause Ushijima still hasn't moved. Then he stands up, looks down at Oikawa again and Oikawa almost thinks he's gonna kiss him, right now, right here, but then he turns around and goes to the stage to receive his prize.

  
Oikawa covers his mouth with both hands, Inuyasha putting one of his paws on top of Oikawa's leg. Ushijima's eyebrows are furrowed and he's squinting at the garish lights.

  
"I really did not expect to win, so unfortunately I did not prepare a speech," he says, his voice serious and a little panicky. Oikawa is nervous for him. Maybe it's worry, even. He knows how anxious Ushijima gets when confronted with unknown things and situations.

  
"Thank you to the team for cooperating with me and also to Hitoka-san, the team's manager. Thank you to Fujiwara and Gasai-san and my loyal assistants Semi-san and Tendou-san. Also thank you to my parents, my sister and...," his gaze drops to the tables, licking his lips awkwardly. "And all the volleyball fans. Thank you."

  
He's led somewhere backstage and Oikawa feels very much out of place. He feels like standing up and just leaving. Leaving all of this behind and he doesn't know why. He just can't put his finger on it. This feeling in his stomach. This itch.

  
They close the show and the buffet is opened. The stage is dark again and people stand up from their tables. Soon, Oikawa is the only one left sitting at their table, his hands folded in his lap, Inuyasha's paw still heavy on his thigh. He's not hungry.

  
"Oikawa-kun," a voice says from behind him. A hand settles on his shoulder and he turns around to find Fujiwara sitting down next to him, handing him his forth glass of champagne. His skin in tingling already.

  
"I'd like to talk to you while you're unoccupied," Fujiwara says.

  
"Unoccupied?," Oikawa asks dumbly. Fujiwara smiles and his hand wanders from Oikawa's shoulder to his wrist that's still in his lap.

  
"Well, you see. Of course I'm a little bit older than Ushijima and maybe not quite as attractive," he chuckles, his double chin jiggling. "But I've been in the business for longer and I'd like to think of myself as experienced in more than one region."

  
"Fujiwara, I don't understand," Oikawa says, politely withdrawing his hand.

  
"Let me be frank, Oikawa-kun," Fujiwara inches closer, licking his thin lips. "I'm very much... attracted to you. I'd like you to consider me as your... new sugar daddy."

  
Oikawa's mouth falls open.

  
"Of course I would make sure to meet your standards and surpass them even. I'd give you whatever you wanted."

  
Fujiwara's hand remains on his thigh and Oikawa is utterly disgusted. After a moment of total shock, he shakes of the veiny, old hand and stands up. Inuyasha gets up as well, tugging on his leash.

  
"For no money in the world," Oikawa starts, "would I suck your wrinkly little wiener. If you'd excuse me, I'll look around for my one and only sugar daddy."

  
With quick steps he puts as much distance between him and the old bag of dicks as possible. Cold shudders are running down his back. He walks straight to the bar to get a shot of tequila. Tequila is the only thing that could maybe make him forget the look on Fujiwara's face. The provocative wiggle of his eyebrows when he suggested... Oikawa shakes his head. Pictures of hairy backs and wrinkly balls flash before his inner eyes.

  
Standing at the bar, he knocks back two tequila shots before finally shaking off the feeling of puking. Inuyasha looks up at him concerned. As much as a dog can look concerned, that is. Maybe the alcohol makes him see things.

  
Before he can order a third shot, he finally spots Ushijima. They walk towards each other. As soon as they're within earshot Ushijima opens his mouth to say something but Oikawa doesn't let him. He stands up on his toes, grabs Ushijima's face with both his hands and kisses him full on the mouth. Once, twice, a third time before pulling away an inch or so and taking in a relieved breath.

  
"I regret introducing myself as your sugar babe, please call me your boyfriend for the rest of the night," Oikawa mumbles against Ushijima's mouth, kissing him one last time before taking a step back, not letting go of Ushijima's free hand. In his other hand he's holding the award.

  
"What happened, Tooru?" Ushijima sounds concerned. Oikawa hugs him and puts his forehead against Ushijima's collarbone. Ushijima's arms circle around Oikawa's waist to hold him close.

  
"Fujiwara offered to be my sugar daddy," Oikawa says, blinking rapidly.

  
"He what?"

  
They both start laughing, their whole bodies shaking with inadequate laughter. It's not that Oikawa was in danger or anything, but the whole situation was laughable. For a few more moments they hold each other close and then Ushijima pulls back, mock-serious face.

  
"But what was your answer?" Oikawa slaps his shoulder, not so lightly, laughing, laughing, laughing.

 

 

They find each other on the dance floor at the end of the night, dancing closely, softly moving to the music. They're both a little tipsy. Ushijima will have to call a cab to bring them home. But they're not yet thinking of going... home. That's when Oikawa catches himself calling Ushijima's loft _home_. He's too tipsy and happy to properly think about that, though.

  
Right now, he's content with having his head on Ushijima's shoulder and Ushijima's hands on his waist. He doesn't even notice the music, it doesn't really matter anyway.

  
"Waka-chan," Oikawa says quietly. Ushijima's "mh" gives away his own tipsiness. It's adorable, really, to see him like this.

  
"I'm not really your sugar babe anymore, am I?"

  
They're still dancing, casually, comfortably. Inuyasha is watching them from the edge of the dance floor, himself not being the biggest fan of dancing.

  
"No, you're not," Ushijima says, kissing Oikawa's hair affectionately. This talk is long overdue. Oikawa has postponed it for way too long, knowing fully well that Ushijima would never put him on the spot, would leave it to him completely. Give him the choice to stay or leave whenever.

  
"Can I be your boyfriend without you being mine? I'm quite the free spirit, you know," Oikawa says.

  
"I don't think it works that way, Tooru," Ushijima chuckles. Oikawa really, really likes this happy Ushijima.

  
"Dang it," Oikawa giggles, "Then I guess I have to be your boyfriend, too."

  
"I feel too old to be someone's boyfriend, to be honest," Ushijima sighs. Oikawa looks at him with quizzical eyes.

They kiss, giggling against each other's mouths.

  
"Then I'll call you my old friend. _Ushiwaka-chan my old friend_ , sounds fine to me," Oikawa smiles up to Ushijima who boops his nose in return. What a wonderful first date, Oikawa thinks.

 

* * *

 

 

Back at the loft, they haven't even put the lights on before clawing at each other. By the time they go upstairs, neither of them are wearing shirts, their flies undone. Walking up the stairs while furiously making out may not be the best idea but they make it work.

  
They fall onto the bed, only wearing underwear by now, still connected by the lips, hands everywhere. Inuyasha banned from the bedroom for tonight.

  
Ushijima pulls at Oikawa's boxers all while sucking hickeys into the soft skin of Oikawa's pale neck. Oikawa is a moaning mess already, the alcohol making him lose all restrains. His hips roll against Ushijima's in a slow rhythm, desperately seeking friction.

  
"Let me eat you out," Ushijima moans hungrily. Oikawa is lacking words, only nodding enthusiastically.

  
Ushijima gives him a long, deep kiss before manhandling him onto his stomach. His hands roam other the expanse of Oikawa's back, caressing every dip and every curve, tracing his spine until reaching the elastic of Oikawa's briefs. With both hands he pulls them over the curve of Oikawa's ass. Oikawa hears Ushijima let out a content sigh. He arches his back and sticks his ass toward Ushijima, urgent. Everything is urgent right now.

  
Ushijima kisses the dimples at the bottom of his spine. He wasn't aware he even had them before Ushijima told him how much he liked them.

  
With experienced fingers Ushijima pries Oikawa's butt cheeks apart, admiring the twitching hole in its full glory. With his nose he nuzzles the soft flesh of Oikawa's buttocks, leaving a hickey on each thigh, each cheek, before kissing up and down his crack.

  
The anticipation causes Oikawa to curl his toes, bury his head in the fluffy pillows.

  
"Wakatoshi, don't tease, I won't last," Oikawa warns. He can feel Ushijima grin against his skin.

  
When he first applies his lips to the puckered skin of Oikawa's asshole, Oikawa lets out a long, obscene moan. At moments like these, he's thankful that Ushijima doesn't have direct neighbors.

  
He feels a soft, wet tongue glide over his hole, slicking it up, all while strong hands massage his buttocks. Oikawa can't help but roll his hips backwards, right against Ushijima's tongue.

  
Ushijima takes the hint and prods the tip of his tongue against the rosy, wet entrance, easing inside. Oikawa shudders and lets out a high-pitched whine. His hard, red cock smears precome on the skin of his own stomach. Reaching for it and giving it a few loose pumps, Oikawa closes his eyes.

  
Ushijima works him open with his tongue, shoving it in and out, licking deep inside of him. Oikawa feels Ushijima shift and soon he notices Ushijima's hand reaching for his face - no his mouth. Oikawa greedily sucks two of his thick fingers inside, encircling them with his tongue, spreading saliva over them, over his lips, over his chin. He's making a mess, he is a mess, and he doesn't care. Ushijima is tongue-fucking his ass and Oikawa can't think clearly.

  
He knows he's happy and tipsy and Ushijima is his boyfriend and he knows they still have to talk about a lot of things and he knows it's gonna be hard but right now, the only thing he can focus on is his approaching orgasm and Ushijima's fingers in his mouth.

  
Ushijima withdraws his fingers and soon Oikawa feels them inching inside him along Ushijima's tongue. He finds Oikawa's prostate easily, something he has done countless times already, and he starts prodding at it with his middle finger.

" _Ahh!_ "

Oikawa is keening, sweat trickling down his spine and forehead, his nipples fully erect, goose bumps letting the hair on his arms stand up.

  
Ushijima sucks at his hole, softly nibbling on it with his teeth, before plunging in his tongue again. Oikawa breaks down onto the bed, skin flushed and hot. He's close and Ushijima feels the rising tension in his muscles.

  
"Yes, yes, fuck, Wakatoshi, I'm coming, I'm-," Oikawa's voice turns into a shout as Ushijima's middle finger finds his prostate again, Ushijima's other hand pumping his cock, the fabric of the pillows rubbing on his nipples and Oikawa can't hold back any longer.

  
He comes in heavy spurts, ruining the bedsheets, probably, Ushijima tongue-fucking him through his orgasm.

  
Rolling onto his side, Ushijima pulls out and away, crawling up to Oikawa, taking him into his arms. They're both panting heavily, Ushijima still rock-hard in his boxers.

  
"Gimme a moment," Oikawa mumbles, "just a sec and I'll return the favor."

  
"It's okay, we're both tired," Ushijima says, stroking Oikawa's hair soothingly. Oikawa takes a moment to catch his breath, calm his beating heart.

  
"Just. Use my thighs," Oikawa eventually suggests, rolling onto his stomach and sitting up on all fours, legs spread invitingly.

  
Ushijima's face is twisted, lust heavy in his eyes but also concern. Oikawa spreads his legs wider. Ushijima sighs and scrambles to stand behind Oikawa.

  
He settles his hands on Oikawa's hips, holding him in place as he slides his dick between Oikawa's delicious legs. Sweat and cum don't make the best lubricant but for this it's sufficient. Oikawa closes his legs to give more friction. The tip of Ushijima's hard cock grazes his balls and his soft dick stirs at the stimulation. Then Ushijima starts rocking his hips, their sticky skin slapping together. Oikawa hangs his head, breathing heavy through his mouth.

  
Ushijima's thrusts get longer and more forceful, rubbing their cocks together. Oikawa is half-hard again. One of Ushijima's hands finds Oikawa's chest, abusing the already sore nipples, rubbing the rosy buds between two of his fingers. Oikawa swallows, throat dry.

  
They've never done it like this. Always using their hands and mouths, doing it all the way, frottage, yes, but never this.

  
"You feel so good, Tooru," Ushijima praises.

  
The feeling is really something else. Oikawa can't help but meet Ushijima's every thrust, making their cocks bump and brush. It's not enough to get him off but knowing how much Ushijima is enjoying himself, feeling it in the way his hands stiffen on his hips, feeling the smears of precome on his balls, hearing the deep groans, Oikawa could get off on that if he hadn't already come.

  
"Fuck, Tooru, your legs are so fucking sexy," Ushijima moans. "Your skin, fuck, it's so soft."

  
Ushijima speeds up and Oikawa's thighs are burning because of the friction, but it feels good, really good. He's probably gonna be sore for days after this but he can't bring himself to care.

  
" _Come_ , Wakatoshi. Use me, daddy," Oikawa says, he's thirsty for it.

  
Ushijima groans loudly and his hips shoot forward again and again and again. He finally comes, shooting his load right at Tooru's chest, the bedsheets, a few drops actually landing on Oikawa's face.

  
They collapse together onto the soiled bed, not giving a fuck. They're filthy and they love it. Tooru chuckles, flicking out his tongue to catch a drop of Ushijima's come, lapping it into his mouth. Ushijima watches him, eyes transfixed on Oikawa's lips, face red in exhaustion, eyes still hungry, always hungry.

  
"Fuck, Tooru," he whispers, almost in awe.

  
Oikawa gives him a cocky smile, biting his lip. Ushijima pulls him against his chest, tucking his head under his chin, his heavy breathing ruffling Oikawa's hair. Oikawa's arms and legs wrap around Ushijima.

  
The air is hot, their bodies are both flushed, everything is warm and cozy and Oikawa's eyes are droopy. He's tired and comfortable and happy and Ushijima kisses his head and murmurs something that sounds a lot like _stay with me_ and Oikawa wants to. He really does. They have an expiration date but Oikawa is determined to ignore it. For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has now FANTASTIC [fanart](http://mfeiaa.tumblr.com/post/144877986667/httparchiveofourownorgworks6591511-link-to) Thank you so much!! I love it!!
> 
> Hello fellow sinners! Here have some porn! I don't even know if it's any good, srsly. I just really hope you like it. Anyways, this little thing is coming to an end soon. Let the angst begin~~~ but for now have this fluffy, smutty chapter. 
> 
> Yay! They're boyfriends! (fornowatleast). Please leave kudos if you liked it and you'd make my day if you left a comment! Love chatting with you guys! That's it from me, see you next time on 'porn with feelings'.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this chapter on the train on my way to a Troye Sivan concert and during the concert I realized two things. The first thing was that this chapter fits perfectly to his song "Lost Boy" and the second thing I realized was... well, I'm gonna tell you in the last chapter. Say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://nevermind-bye.tumblr.com/) I'll say hi back!

They forgot to close the curtains so Oikawa is not woken up by Inuyasha, for a change, but by the sunlight filtering through the windows.

  
His head is lying comfortably on Ushijima's biceps, whose other arm is loosely wrapped around Oikawa's torso. Oikawa always considered himself to be un-spoonable because of his height and lanky limbs but Ushijima makes a lot of things possible.

  
For a few moments, Oikawa enjoys the quiet, the cozy closeness, the warmth, but then he gets impatient with still-sleeping Ushijima. Cuddles. Oikawa wants cuddles.

  
Wiggling around a little so he can turn to face Ushijima, he notices the change in Ushijima's breathing. Slowly, Ushijima's eyes start moving behind closed lids, his softly parted lips smack together soundly. Oikawa is enchanted by this sleepy Ushijima. His dark hair is messy and there are lines from the pillows on his face. Oikawa traces them with his finger, contributing to Ushijima's waking up process.

  
_Boyfriends_. They finally did it.

  
"What are y'doin', wiggly butt?," Ushijima mumbles, half-asleep. Oikawa smiles happily.

  
"Counting your wrinkles," he says. Ushijima cracks a smile, only one eye open. Oikawa has never had the delight of watching Ushijima wake up before. Usually Ushijima wakes him, after watering his plants and going for a run before the sun has even risen. He's a glutton for work.

  
"We should talk," Oikawa says, still smiling easily, still stroking Ushijima's face tenderly. Ushijima pulls him closer, they're both still naked, his soft cock pressing against Oikawa's bare hip.

  
"You regret it," Ushijima sighs, closing his eyes. He doesn't look surprised and that's what gets Oikawa. He feels terrible.

  
"Regret calling myself your boyfriend? Nuh-uh," Oikawa says, kissing Ushijima on the nose. Ushijima opens his eyes again, searching Oikawa's face.

  
"You sure?"

  
"Only if you don't regret it, either."

  
Instead of answering, Ushijima leans forward and gives Oikawa a soft kiss. The sheets are rustling as Oikawa climbs on top of Ushijima, their legs tangled. They exchange easy kisses, not leading up to anything, mouth closed because of morning breath. This is casual, it's nice. Fingers softly wandering up and down naked skin, quiet giggles against morning-dry lips.

  
Oikawa wants to get used to this. They delay the talk.

 

 

Ushijima drives him back to the dorms later that morning. Oikawa doesn't have any classes until afternoon so they have time to linger in the car, making out languidly. Ushijima brings him to his door, looking inside quickly just to have seen where Oikawa lives.

  
In the door they kiss each other goodbye, whispering promises of seeing each other on Friday. When Ushijima starts fondling his butt, Oikawa ushers him outside, laughing.

  
Halfway out the door, Ushijima hands him a paycheck Oikawa feels like refusing to take. He wants to enjoy their new-found happiness. He doesn't want to be reminded of their inequality. The nature of their relationship. Oikawa chooses to shrug it off, takes the money, places a last kiss on Ushijima's cheek and closes the door.

  
His stomach starts grumbling and he thinks of preparing a quick brunch before going to his class. Akaashi is out, whether to meet up with friends or at one of his lectures. They planned on spending the evening together, watching the _Lizzie McGuire Movie_ , probably, they like to do that every other day. But usually they end up talking and Oikawa has a lot to talk about, after all.

  
Last week's movie night they talked about graduation. What they would do after they're free. They considered searching for a flat together but in a quiet voice Akaashi admitted that Bokuto asked him to move in with him and he also admitted that he would like that. A lot.

  
So they decided on finding different apartments that are still close enough to each other for more movie nights.

  
Oikawa is looking for something to drink when he hears the doorbell ring. Did Ushijima forget something? He skips to the door and opens it widely.

  
"Miss me alrea- _Iwa-chan_?," Oikawa asks, perplexed.

  
Iwaizumi has his arms crossed in front of his broad chest, face pulled into an angry frown. No hug-hello, no gentle knock on the head. This means trouble.

  
Iwaizumi holds up his phone, a photo on the screen. A photo of Ushijima and Oikawa kissing on the red carpet of the VCAs.

  
"Wanna tell me something." _Oh-oh_.

 

 

They're sitting in the make-shift living room, untouched tea standing in front of them, heavy silence filling the room.

  
"So?"

  
Oikawa exhales long and loud.

  
"He's my boyfriend, Iwa-chan. It's quite fresh so-"

  
"Cut the bullshit, I talked to Akaashi," Iwaizumi says, his face red with rage. "And I also talked to your boyfriend."

  
At that Oikawa looks up, baffled. "What?"

  
Iwaizumi clicks his tongue, looking away. He leans back and crosses his arms again, defensive. But also... rueful?

  
"I met him in the parking lot. I recognized him from the photo. Okay, maybe it was wrong but I couldn't think clearly."

  
"What did you do? What did Akaashi tell you?" Oikawa stands up, angry suddenly. He doesn't like to be talked about behind his back. And even less so when it's his friends that talk about him. Why didn't Akaashi say anything?

  
"He's your sugar daddy? Seriously Oikawa? He pays you to have sex with him? That's fucked up. And you even quit your job? What were you thinking! You always were the most independent person I know. What happened? Why do you let him use you like that? If you have money trouble you know I could help you out."

  
"What did you say to him? To Ushijima?" Oikawa's voice is rising in volume now.

  
"I told him to stay away. I called him a... manipulative asshole, I think. And I- I know, I overreacted and-"

  
"Fuck."

 

  
Oikawa throws the entrance door open and runs down the corridor and then the stairs, no shoes on. Ushijima came here without bringing Inuyasha. He wanted to just bring him home and then drive back to his loft to get ready for work. No need for Inuyasha. Iwaizumi screaming at him- calling him-- Oikawa runs faster. He runs outside the building, rounding a corner to get behind the complex where the parking lot is.

  
His lungs are burning and he feels angry tears in the corners of his eyes.

  
Ushijima's car is still standing in one of the parking spots. Headlights on but no engine running.

  
When Oikawa finally reaches the vehicle he knocks on the window to get Ushijima's attention. His eyes are wide open, panic written all over them. The door is unlocked and Oikawa opens it before Ushijima can.

  
Ushijima is hyperventilating, not saying a word, not meeting Oikawa's eyes. This is what a full-blown panic attack looks like, Oikawa realizes. He's read up on what to do in situations like these. It's difficult, depending on the situation, depending on the person. He's never witnessed one of Ushijima's attacks, he says he hasn't had any severe ones since he got Inuyasha. But Inuyasha is not here. Talk to him, Oikawa tells himself.

  
"Wakatoshi, look at me, can you do that?," he tries. Ushijima doesn't look at him.

  
"You're safe here, Wakatoshi. I'm here, I'm here for you. I won't let anything hurt you, okay? You're okay." Ushijima's eyes flicker to him briefly, still breathing too fast.

  
"Can I touch you?," Oikawa asks carefully. Ushijima looks over to him again, after a few seconds he nods. His skin is blotchy and tears are running down his cheeks. Oikawa gets a little panicky himself. But there is no time for this. Ushijima needs him right now.

  
Oikawa runs around the car to open the passenger door, climbs inside the car and carefully touches Ushijima's leg. Ushijima doesn't flinch so he slowly, hesitantly climbs into Ushijima's lap, giving him time to push him away. He doesn't but he doesn't acknowledge Oikawa's presence either. Looking at nothing, his eyes glazed over, his breathing still rapid. The stirring wheel is pressing uncomfortably into Oikawa's back but Oikawa doesn't dare yet to get closer. Some people having panic attacks crave intimacy, some absolutely reject it. He has no idea what's the case with Ushijima.

  
Oikawa takes Ushijima's face into his hands, forcing him to look at Oikawa.

  
"Try to breathe with me," Oikawa says, putting his pointer finger gently on one of Ushijima's nostrils. He read in an article that breathing through only one nostril helps you control your breathing. Oikawa just hopes it helps, he's desperate, absolutely not knowing what else to do. Call an ambulance? Call Ushijima's sister? Parents? Does he take medication? Ushijima doesn't like talking about his anxiety, always changing the topic when Oikawa asks him about it, why would he never tell him what to do in case - ? Why couldn't he just talk to Oikawa? Why, _why_? Oikawa squeezes his eyes shut, this is not the time.

  
Ushijima is now looking at him, trying to match Oikawa's breathing. At first he's failing but Oikawa keeps breathing steadily, in through his nose, out through his mouth. When Ushijima's breathing calms down a little, he takes his finger away from his nose. He hugs him close to his chest, nuzzling Ushijima's neck tenderly. Ushijima can't know that Oikawa is scared shitless himself. He can't. So he hides his face to catch his own breath.

  
They stay like that for a long time. After what feels like at least half an hour, Ushijima hugs Oikawa back, tentatively.

  
"I'm so sorry, Wakatoshi, so, so sorry," Oikawa mumbles. Looking over Ushijima's shoulder and through the rear window, he spots Iwaizumi leaning against the house wall, hanging his head. He must've followed Oikawa. He looks miserable.

  
"Iwa-chan didn't mean what he said, he's just very protective over me-"

  
"It's true though." It's the first coherent sentence Ushijima has said in all this time. Oikawa pulls back to look at Ushijima's face.

  
His eyes are unbelievably sad. He looks a thousand years old.

  
"What's true?"

  
Ushijima swallows and looks away. Oikawa takes his face in his hands again, they're almost nose to nose. With his thumb he brushes away some of Ushijima's tears.

  
"I'm paying you to stay with me," Ushijima says, quietly. "Bribing you with money. He's right. I'm using your financial situation. To make you stay with me." He swallows, another tear falls. "So I'm not so lonely anymore."

  
Oikawa's heart breaks.

  
This charming, caring, lovely, simple, sweet, wonderful human being. This beautiful person thinks he has to pay for company. For love.

  
Every single heart in the entire world breaks and Oikawa feels it in his chest.

  
"Wakatoshi," Oikawa's voice is cracking, "I'm not staying with you because of your money. Not even because you have a cute dog. Not for the Jacuzzi. I'm staying because I want to."

  
Ushijima closes his eyes, a tear escapes and rolls down his cheek to where Oikawa's hands rest.

  
"I want to stay with you. I'm not doing anything I don't want to do. I thought we established that I'm your boyfriend and you're- you're my old friend. My old boyfriend."

  
Ushijima pulls one corner of his mouth upwards in a half-hearted smile. Oikawa puts his finger on it, giving a half-hearted smile himself.

  
"Maybe manfriend would be better," Ushijima says.

  
Oikawa hugs him close, kissing his temple, his ear, his hair.

 

 

All this time all of this has been inside Ushijima. He was hurting this entire time. Hurting because of Oikawa. Hurting because of their relationship. And Oikawa doesn't know what to do to make it stop. The hurting. But that's not quite true. Oikawa knows how to make it stop.

  
The only way to make the hurting stop would be. To make _them_ stop.

  
How do you tell a person that they're in an unhealthy relationship when this relationship existed for the entirety of one day. How do you tell a person that they're not the only one hurting. How do you tell a person that loneliness was the better option.

  
How?

 

* * *

 

 

The days after the panic attack are quiet when they shouldn't be. Oikawa reckons to give Ushijima some time, some space, to regain his footing. But a week. A whole week without any contact. Oikawa slowly begins to worry.

  
He used this time to keep himself busy. First with studying but graduation day comes closer and closer and Oikawa has only one exam left. Then he decided to set things straight with Iwaizumi.

  
On Thursday afternoon they met up for coffee and to talk about what happened. Oikawa explained the whole situation, let him in on the whole thing. Iwaizumi is speechless at first, not able to believe that Oikawa of all people had managed to keep this relationship a secret for so long. Oikawa reassured him that it's not a secret, that Ushijima doesn't want him to be his affair, at all, and Iwaizumi calms down a little. They also talk about Oikawa's feelings and what he wants, how he wants this relationship to develop.

  
Oikawa didn't talk about his fears, his worries. But Iwaizumi seemed to know about them anyway. They've been friends for all their lives, they know the other's thinking patterns.

  
While Iwaizumi still isn't ecstatic over Oikawa's new boyfriend, he now at least understands that Ushijima isn't just a rich douchbag taking advantage of a poor college student.

  
Next, Oikawa talks to Akaashi, why he hasn't told him about his conversation with Iwaizumi. And Akaashi explains that he told Iwaizumi in the belief that Iwaizumi already knew and when he noticed that he didn't, he told him to talk to Oikawa. A very Akaashi thing to do. Causing trouble and then letting someone else handle the consequences. He apologizes, sincerely, and after a quiet movie night on their dirty, old couch they hug and make up.

  
The only person Oikawa hasn't yet talked to is Ushijima. He texts him, tries to call him but gets no response. Oikawa is worried.

  
So on Friday he packs his things and takes the bus to Ushijima's apartment. He doesn't ring the bell, instead he waits for one of the other inhabitants to come out so he can slip in.

  
Standing in front of Ushijima's entrance door, he knocks loudly.

  
Inuyasha starts barking from inside the loft so Oikawa knows Ushijima is home. Heavy steps get closer and finally the door opens.

  
Ushijima looks like he always does. White dress shirt, parted hair, dark shadows under his eyes. At least Inuyasha is happy to see Oikawa, wagging his tail excitedly. Ushijima on the other hand looks shocked. Not even surprised. Shocked.

  
"Well, can I come in?," Oikawa asks after an awkward silence.

  
"Yeah, sure," Ushijima says and lets him in. The apartment looks like it always does. Clean and spacious, Oikawa's pictures and candles and pillows in every other corner and niche.

  
"You didn't answer my texts and you didn't answer my calls," Oikawa begins. "I was worried."

  
Ushijima looks uncomfortable in his own home. His face is expressionless but the way he holds himself makes him look smaller somehow.

  
Oikawa doesn't realize he's putting Ushijima in a corner until Inuyasha leaves his side to walk to Ushijima, nudging his hand and rubbing his paw on Ushijima's leg.

  
"I just wanted to know if you're okay. I can leave if you want," he says, "but I'd rather stay."

  
Ushijima looks up at him, scratching Inuyasha behind his fluffy ears.

  
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to worry you," he says.

  
"Can you tell me why you avoided me?" Oikawa tries to sound casual, not reproachfully.

  
Ushijima lowers his head again, clenching his jaw.

  
"Okay, I'm taking a wild guess. Iwa-chan scared you and you don't want anything to do with me because of that."

  
"No, of course not, Oikawa, it's just...," he looks away again, Inuyasha starts whining.

  
"Just what? Please talk to me," Oikawa says, his voice pleading.

  
Ushijima walks around the kitchen counter to pour himself a glass of water, Inuyasha follows him like a shadow. Now that he thinks about it, Oikawa notices that the apartment does not look like always. There is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, there are clothes lying around all over the living area, Inuyasha doesn't look combed.

  
Oikawa takes a few slow steps towards Ushijima. "Please talk to me."

  
Ushijima looks stricken, takes three large gulps of water and puts the glass into the sink, as well. He's looking at the dirty dishes when he finally speaks. "You shouldn't have seen me like that."

  
Oikawa gives him time to elaborate, knowing full well that it wouldn't help if he pressed him.

  
"You shouldn't have to see me like that. Crying and trembling and panicky. You shouldn't have to deal with it." He shakes his head slightly to emphasis his words.

  
Oikawa waits a couple of seconds but Ushijima doesn't continue talking.

  
"You avoided me because you were embarrassed?"

  
Ushijima nods. His face looks stone cold.

  
Oikawa finally dares to get closer to him, invading his personal space, prying Ushijima's big hands from the counter to put them around himself. He puts his own hands on Ushijima's chest, feeling his thumping heart under his fingertips.

  
"Don't be ashamed of who you are. I'm not. Please don't avoid me any longer," Oikawa says, his voice almost a whisper.

  
He feels touch-starved. Feeling Ushijima's hands on him and his warmth and his heartbeat makes Oikawa realize how scared he was of losing this. Losing Ushijima.

  
Finally, finally, Ushijima starts to hug him back, hesitantly at first but then with intent.

  
"Sorry," Ushijima says against his hair.

  
"Don't be," Oikawa whispers back.

 

* * *

 

 

And just like that Oikawa graduates. On one day he struggles with statistics and the next he's wearing a dorky head and a dark cloak, receiving his diploma.

  
His family is there and so is Iwaizumi, who, in all honesty, has long been part of his family, too. They go get dinner afterwards and his mother and father praise and hug him all night long. His sister brings Takeru who seems bored but also proud of his uncle.

  
Oikawa suddenly feels grown up. He hasn't got a job yet but that's not too uncommon. They're living in a city with a large university and many many students who want to stay here. Oikawa does, too, the city has grown on him. And the people.

  
After Oikawa's parents left to go back home the next day, Oikawa invites himself into Ushijima's loft. He puts his hat and his cloak on and he's wearing it and nothing else. He waits like this for Ushijima to come home and when he finally does - they don't make it to the bedroom that night. They soil the kitchen counter first and then the couch. Poor Inuyasha was exiled to the balcony.

  
Ushijima is immensely proud of Oikawa and he never seizes to tell him.

  
The first week after graduation Oikawa is incredibly, incredibly happy.

 

 

And then another hospital bill appears. They come in twice every year and demand a very high payment. Akaashi already moved out of their shared apartment so Oikawa pays the rent on his own, not yet ready to ask Ushijima to let him move in. Oikawa has saved up some money but he also has to start pay student loans soon. The pressure is immense. When he says as much to Ushijima, he didn't think it would spark an argument.

  
"So move in here. You wouldn't have to pay rent or for groceries, you know that." He means well, he really does. He even offered to pay the hospital bill but when Oikawa almost exploded he took the offer back.

  
"I'd like to stay independent, Ushiwaka. I want to be my own person. Haven't you watched the _Sex And The City_ movie?"

  
"I don't think so."

 

  
And with every week Oikawa doesn't find a job, new arguments erupt, getting louder and louder each time. Oikawa is well-aware that he is the cause for most of them. Lately, he's been quite on edge. While searching the web for more companies to apply to, the Volleyball Commitment Award sitting next to Ushijima's TV watches him mockingly. The difference between Ushijima and him is more present than ever. Oikawa, an unemployed college graduate, Ushijima a successful, award-winning publicist.

  
In all his frustration, Oikawa starts writing. Whenever he feels jealousy creeping up again, whether after having another argument with Ushijima or because he sees a volleyball match on TV, he sits down on his laptop and writes. _How to Handle Being Good at a Sport Without Being Able to Play It_. It's sort of his coping mechanism. The thing is fairly long already and reeks of sarcasm. But Oikawa makes sure to also include actually helpful advice. For whomever needs it, really, maybe as a reminder for himself.

 

 

_"Dear Oikawa-san, unfortunately there are no open spots at our company at the moment. We will...-"_

  
Oikawa doesn't even continue reading, he deletes the mail and goes back to watching TV. Ushijima is preparing dinner in the kitchen and after some failed attempts at making Oikawa help him, he doesn't even ask anymore.

  
"Another rejection," Oikawa states bluntly. He's over the crying-phase, over the anger-phase.

  
"I know you don't want to hear it but maybe if I wrote a recommendation for you, it could help."

  
"You can't recommend me, Ushiwaka. I've never worked for you." Anger is flaring up again. Oikawa's not angry at Ushijima who has been nothing but patient and understanding with him. His anger is directed at himself. Mostly. Because he knows he's taking his frustration out on Ushijima just because he's there and doesn't let himself be provoked. He knows that Ushijima does not deserve Oikawa's treatment lately. Oikawa really tries to be more affectionate and in the evenings, when they're curled around each other on the couch, he tries to show Ushijima that it's not him, that it's not even Oikawa really. They're the victims of their circumstances.

  
"But I know what you're capable of. I saw how hard you worked for your exams. I know how well you did in the end. It's just the field of work, it doesn't offer many spaces."

  
"I know. But still. I don't want you helping me. But thank you," Oikawa offers. Ushijima gives him a thin-lipped smile.

  
They eat dinner and snuggle up on the couch with Inuyasha. At least, Inuyasha has had lots of work lately. Oikawa feels guilty about that, too.

  
Oikawa's phone beeps with a new notification and he grabs it, expecting a message from Iwaizumi. It's Akaashi though, he sends a photo. Of his hand. With a ring on. A diamond ring. The caption reads "Bokuto asked me to marry him. I said yes".

  
Oikawa stares at his display, shell-shocked. Expressionless eyes look at the photo again. The ring is simple but very pretty, suiting Akaashi's taste well. Bokuto's done a good job. Oikawa should be happy for his friend. And he is, kind of. But mostly. Jealousy.

  
"What is it?," Ushijima asks, eyeing Oikawa.

  
"Bokuto asked Akaashi to marry him. They're engaged," Oikawa states.

  
He sends a cheery message back, congratulating him, using emojis, asking to be the flower boy at their wedding, promising to call him tomorrow morning. Till then he'll be able to get back to himself. Find a way around his jealousy.

  
"That's good, isn't it? They've been together since high school, right?," Ushijima asks, trying to get anything out of Oikawa.

  
"Yeah, yeah, it's good. Good for them."

  
Ushijima shifts, sitting up a little to be able to look at Oikawa.

  
"I've never asked you back. You don't seem the biggest fan of marriage. Do you not want to get married someday?"

  
The question hits Oikawa like a freight train. He's not prepared for that talk, yet. This is a conversation he would've loved to have when he has a stable income, is debtless and free to do whatever he wants. Not now.

  
"No," he says simply.

  
"Why not? I mean, to each their own, but what are your reasons?" Something falls on Ushijima's face. Of course it does, Oikawa's been nothing but a disappointment lately, anyway.

  
"I'm just not built for it. I'm nobody's love of their life. None of my relationships ever lasted. I'm someone people only love from time to time." He sounds harsher and sadder than intended, voice bordering on dismissive. Ushijima visibly picks up on it.

  
"That's not true, Tooru. Many people love you. Nobody knows if they're marrying the love of their life at first. Maybe you just have to take the risk, sometimes. It's scary but simple."

  
Ushijima's simplicity ran miles and miles deep. Forming hidden passages and shortcuts and dark, empty tunnels. Looking at it from above, it resembles a maze and Oikawa can't exactly say that he's lost in it. Rather, he's closed his eyes and ran and ran deeper and deeper into it, knowing fully well where the exit was but refusing to turn around just yet. He was hoping to find the core of the maze and he can now say that he found it. In the center of Ushijima's simplicity is pure, unconditional love.

  
Tooru doesn't answer him, can't give him an answer that wouldn't be a lie. So he chooses to evade both, the truth and the lie. Quietly, quietly, falling in love.

 

* * *

 

 

Oikawa doesn't know how this argument started. They were talking about something that happened at Ushijima's workplace and suddenly Oikawa was shouting awful, awful things at Ushijima.

Oikawa's been rarely leaving Ushijima's apartment the last couple of weeks. He can't be alone right now but being with Ushijima doesn't do him any good either. Not sleeping, not eating, he sits on the couch all day long, alternating between watching TV and surfing the internet. Oikawa notices how Ushijima comes home later each day. He probably dreads coming home to the mess that's Oikawa. A pitiful excuse for what he once was.

It was nearing 10 in the evening when Ushijima started talking about his day, just to initiate any form of communication, may it only be chit-chat. He mentions how this kid just got promoted, barely older than Tooru, Ushijima thinks, already at the top of the business food chain. That's what ticks Oikawa off, probably. But it could be anything, Oikawa has no problem finding things to get pissed about these days.

Those awful words are leaving his mouth and Ushijima stays quiet. As long as Ushijima is yelling back, everything's fine. Just a normal argument. Ushijima hasn't yelled back in quite some time, though. He's casting his eyes downward, not visibly reacting to anything Oikawa throws at him.

  
And then Inuyasha starts barking at him. At Oikawa.

Inuyasha is barking at Oikawa aggressively as if he figured out that Ushijima was feeling distraught because of him. As if he figured out that Oikawa was the cause for Inuyasha's overtime hours. As if he wanted to tell Oikawa what he already knew, make him realize that he had to finally take action.

  
"Inuyasha, quiet!" Ushijima tries hard to shut the dog up but to no avail. Falling silent, Oikawa starts crying like a child. Guilty, helpless, ashamed.

  
When Ushijima notices it, he rushes over to comfort Oikawa, taking him into his arms, cooing softly at him. This is all wrong, all wrong. Ushijima should not be the one having to comfort Oikawa, not having to call back his service dog because he was doing his job properly. This has all gone too far.

  
"We can't do this anymore," Oikawa sobs against Ushijima's collarbone.

  
"What are you talking about, Tooru?" His voice is so, so tender. It breaks Oikawa's heart over and over again. He hates all this. He hates it.

  
"Us. This isn't working. You're hurting, I'm hurting, even Inuyasha is hurting."

  
Ushijima's arms around him pull him tighter. Inuyasha barks and barks.

  
"Are you breaking up with me?," Ushijima asks quietly. And because Oikawa is a coward and not good at ending things, he doesn't answer. He pulls Ushijima into a kiss and it's wrong but he has to do it.

  
They kiss and cry and kiss and they go upstairs. They undress each other, naked together, skin on skin and they have tender, slow sex.

  
No, they're making love. The idea is frightening but it also ignites something inside of Oikawa he hasn't felt in a long time. The feeling of being emotionally and bodily connected to someone just as vulnerable as he is, just as helpless and wanting. It's a sweaty confession and Oikawa sucks in every single touch, every breath, every single look, to keep it in his memory for times to come. For times he can't have this anymore. It feels like a first time, even though it isn't. But endings aren't always endings and maybe this is their first time after all.

  
Ushijima is rocking into him languidly when he suddenly halts to look at Oikawa. At his tear-streaked face. Looking so small, so lost.

  
"I love you," he says then.

  
"I love you, too," Oikawa answers then.

  
And it's true. It's so true it hurts. He's as much in love with Ushijima as it was possible for him to be in love. None of his relationships ever lasted.

  
They make love to each other and it's goodbye. They don't talk about it but they both know it. Oikawa feels it in Ushijima's kisses, in the way Ushijima's hands worship his body, whisper prayers into his skin. He's saying goodbye to everything he loves about Oikawa. His legs, his skin, his face, his hair. And after they both find release, Ushijima says goodbye to Tooru by feigning sleep.

  
Oikawa gets out of the bed, collects his clothes, some of his things, and goes downstairs. Maybe Ushijima really is asleep, who knows. Maybe he's giving Oikawa a choice. Oikawa's insecurities rage inside him, _why does he let you go without a fight? Because he loves you more than you love yourself. And that imbalance hurts you both equally_ , Oikawa's conscience knows the answer.

  
He takes a pen and a piece of paper from Ushijima's work desk and scribbles down a short note.

  
Inuyasha is sleeping peacefully next to the couch. Oikawa doesn't want to wake him so again, his goodbye falls quiet.

  
And then Oikawa leaves the loft, tip-toes out of it, quietly, scared, and tired. He walks all the way back to his own apartment. The sun is rising when he pulls his blanket over his head. The tears are not coming anymore, he just wants to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Wakatoshi,  
> I meant what I said. You are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and that's not healthy. Please keep me as a bitterweet memory, if you can. You and Inuyasha are wonderful. Thank you for everything.  
> Love, Tooru


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To quote bestselling author C.S. Pacat : "I don't like sad gays."  
> That's the second thing I realized at the Troye Sivan concert: Me neither. Let us gays be happy.

The line is long even though Ushijima made sure to leave work early. It reaches even outside the library. He wouldn't have thought a book signing would attract such a large crowd.

  
Then again, the book appeals to many people. Ushijima among them. Reading the book makes you hopeful, it's like someone is reaching their hand out to show you you're not alone. It's a book about sports but not really. It's something of its own kind, just like the author.

  
Ushijima has been debating with himself whether he should come today or not. The decision was made only this morning. The book is lying on his night stand and was the first thing Ushijima saw in the morning. It has been for a while now and Ushijima remembers a time when it was something else greeting him in the morning.

  
He's nervous but Inuyasha is by his side to calm him down if it gets too much. The people standing in the line seem nervous, too. Mostly they're young adults, college age maybe, Ushijima can't really tell. They remind him of Tooru when he first met him. That time at the restaurant. This unbelievably pretty young man with the warm eyes and the cocky smirk. It's not a bittersweet memory, it's a fond one. The heat at the beginning and the mellow warmth at the end. He remembers it all vividly.

  
It's been two years and four months since Oikawa left. Left him.

  
Ushijima once read that it took half the time of the relationship to get over it. They've been official for only a couple of weeks. Having sex for nine months. So four and a half months and he should be over it.

  
The thing with Ushijima, though, is that he was a very mild person. He's quiet and observant. He has his flaws, too. Being too honest, sometimes, hurting people without noticing, being selfish. And his biggest flaw might be the way he loves people. Quietly, always afraid to lose them because in the end they all leave him. He's too stoic, too work-orientated, too complicated in some ways, too simple in others. But Ushijima never stops loving them, even after they leave him. That's why he only ever lets himself love a couple of people. His parents for one, his sister and her husband, his friend Tendou, a man called Shinoa. Tooru.

  
Ushijima never knows how to let go of the things he loves.

  
The first few months without Tooru were very lonely. His anxiety got worse but that was to be expected. Then, one lonely morning, Ushijima decided to surround himself with things that made him happy. Taking a few weeks off from work, he visited his parents at home, his sister and husband in the capital city, goes on a weekend trip with Tendou. The realization that he had to fill his life with more than one thing or person that could make him happy hit him when he had a talk with Tendou one evening, sipping warm bear, dressed in two days old clothing, looking over a lake with apparently no fish in it. Life was pumping through his veins. Romantic love was one thing, loving life another. Ushijima decided he deserved both.

 

Finally, he's inside the library, getting closer to the author. He can already spot the chocolate brown hair he loved running his fingers through so much, the dorky reading glasses he sometimes dared to make fun of, the disarming smile.

  
Oh, how he missed all of this.

  
He feels a little self-conscious. Grey hairs are starting to grow at his temples. Like his father, Ushijima's getting grey early. The by-effect of thinking too much. Tooru is only twenty-four to his thirty-five, almost thirty-six. Surely nowhere near getting grey hair.

  
With only a couple of people left standing in line before him, Ushijima gets fidgety. He has not yet been spotted. The author's too busy with taking photos, signing books, tossing smiles in every direction, at everyone who wants them. Ushijima craves it.

  
When he's next in line, Ushijima puts his book on the table with trembling hands.

  
Oikawa looks up, the smile on his face freezing. And then getting softer around the edges. They just stare at each other for a moment. Oikawa has matured over the last two years, adulthood suits him well.

  
"I'm a big fan," Ushijima says eventually.

  
Tooru's eyes crinkle, he looks older but not by much, wearing his hair a little shorter. The formal attire looks good on him, a crisp white dress shirt, first two buttons open, nicely fitting dark jeans cladding his long legs. He's still wearing his dirty sneakers, though. Some things just do not change.

  
"And what would you like me to write in your book?," Oikawa plays along.

  
"Surprise me with something," Ushijima says.

  
Oikawa opens the book he's written, looking at the first page. To his surprise it is already signed. Or at least something is written down in it.

  
Ushijima is nervous, maybe not yet ready for another rejection after all. Maybe he interpreted Tooru wrong, all along. He thought Tooru was saying _not yet but not never either_ before he left. Maybe he was mistaken, maybe Tooru has moved on. Why shouldn't he, he is so, so young, the world lying at his feet.

  
It's a short sentence he has written in the book for Oikawa to read.

 

  
_I'm still thinking of you every day._

 

  
Oikawa stares at the note longer than necessary to read it. Ushijima can only imagine the storm raging in his mind, right now. Weighing his options. Debating whether or not Ushijima was part of his past and should stay there. Not forgetting their time, maybe, but Ushijima as a person.

  
"And you're on every page of my book. The advantage of being loved by an author, maybe," Oikawa then says, very quietly, just to be heard by the two of them.

  
It's been two years and four months.

  
"Would you like to get coffee after you're done here?," Ushijima asks.

  
It's been two years and four months and they have to relearn each other. They can have the beginning their relationship deserved. With time, with effort, and on equal grounds. Because while their relationship was not good, their love was.

  
"Okay," Tooru says, "but you're paying."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, that's it from me. This started as a stress-relief but I can't lie, they grew on me. I know it's not perfect and I will probably keep working on it but for now. It's done. Thank you all for reading and for leaving me all those comments!! I was overwhelmed with the response to my porn with feelings.  
> By the way, after two months of seeing each other regularly, Tooru has the best idea EVER. He insists on getting married in Vegas. After a month of begging and whining - Ushijima takes him to America. God damn it, he's so whipped. But that's not canon-fic (or is it???). Okay guys, I don't like goodbyes either so nevermind-  
> Now with absolutely lovely [art](http://jillkun.tumblr.com/post/146962821252/lmao-lmao-ok-so-a-long-time-ago-i-read-this-one) (unbelievable).  
> Say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://nevermind-bye.tumblr.com/) I'll say hi back!


End file.
